


Till The End

by Abbisnail



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-15
Updated: 2019-07-15
Packaged: 2020-06-28 19:30:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 23,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19818994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Abbisnail/pseuds/Abbisnail





	1. Mission

*Winter Soldier*

Somewhere in the facility a door slams shut, lock clicking and echoing down the stone chambers. I realise, perhaps too late, that it was my door. 

"Get up."

The lights flicker on, hum of electricity irritating my ears after so long spent in silence. I push myself up, trying to conceal the pain that movement causes me, and turn around to face the newcomer in the room as my face contorts with the struggle of movement.

"Sit."

I allow myself to fall into the chair, wincing when the metal restraints click into place over my wrists and ankles. He motions to someone on the outside, door opening as a small team of people file in with various pieces of my gear held in their arms.

"Longing."

I rest my head back against the backing of the chair, clenching my eyes shut as I try to keep silent.

"Rusted."

My head starts to hurt, heart racing as I remember my last mission.

"Seventeen."

The lights flicker again, a soft sound that almost manages to draw my attention fully away from my handler.

"Daybreak."

The uncomfortable nature of the chair becomes worse as I instinctively try to get away from this, mind tearing itself apart as I bite my tongue and force myself to remain silent.

"Furnace."

Maybe this mission won't be as bad.

"Nine."

I try to fight off the fear that is coursing through my veins, ignoring the icy feeling that chills me as he continues speaking.

"Benign."

I start actively struggling against my restraints now, eyes wide with fear as he nears the end of the list.

"Homecoming."

"No...no please...not again...."

He pauses for a moment, glancing over with a look of disgust plastered across his face at the sound of me begging. 

"One."

Blood spills down my wrist as I slice it open on the edge of the metal cuff, dripping onto the floor and adding to my heightened sense of panic.

"Freight car."

Instantly I feel myself beginning to calm, fear dissipating as my mind shuts down and gives away to the horrors of detachment. My lips are moving before I have a chance to fight it, spitting out the programmed response to show that I have successfully gone under.

"Ready to comply."

He nods, punching a code into the panel on the wall, which releases the metal cuffs from around my wrists and ankles.

"Get him geared up."

My handler turns towards me, pulling out a file and reading something from it.

"Your target is in New York, Brooklyn to be exact. I want him taken care of by the end of tomorrow night."

I nod, lifting my arms when prompted to by one of the people actively strapping pieces of gear around my torso. Someone tightens something over my ribs, causing me to involuntary gasp in pain as an audible crack can be heard.

"What was that?"

A woman reluctantly responds, eyes downcast as she quickly rattles off an explanation. 

"His ribs haven't fully healed yet sir, the medical examiner said to give him another week or two of inaction to allow it to fully heal."

He rattles off a string of curses, mumbling something about her having re-broken my rib before he turns back to the woman.

"Just finish your job, we'll worry about it when he gets back."

The woman nods, pulling on another strap to make sure my vest is secured around my body before moving on to check my weapons where they are hidden around my suit.

"Someone get him to New York, I have work to be done elsewhere."

I am passed off to another handler, allowing him to strap on the last of my weapons before we start walking towards the housing unit to find my transport.

"You're taking the bike this time, get going."

I nod, pausing to allow him time to clip my muzzle into place and tighten the straps around my chest before I hop on the bike and start the engine. The facility is soon out of sight, night air cool against the small amount of exposed skin that shows through my gear. A flash of headlights through the thick foliage tells me someone is coming up behind me, barely giving me time to pull off to the side before they stop suddenly. Subconsciously, I feel my arm moving to unsheathe a knife, flipping the blade in the air before I catch it and fling it towards the person as they open their door. My blade hits its mark, sinking through the thick fabric coat and embedding itself in the man's stomach. He makes a sound of surprise, falling to the ground as another door opens to allow someone else out.

"What the hell?"

I kill the woman too, wiping the blood off my blades before putting them away and setting off down the road again. The sun is starting to make an appearance by the time I finally reach city limits, light casting long shadows over the roadways. My target isn't difficult to find, out on his morning jog along the route marked off on my files. I spin around to block off his route, tyres screeching on asphalt as I hit the brakes hard enough to mark the asphalt. He looks up in surprise, face twisting into a look of pure terror as I pull a gun out and load it.

"Please....I'll do anything, just don't shoot me..."

"Begging won't save you now."

I pull the trigger, suddenly finding myself on the ground and my target sprinting off the other way.


	2. Shot

*Steve*

I slam into Bucky, knocking him off his feet and onto the asphalt. His gun skitters just out of reach, irritating him more than serving as an actual deterrent, as he struggles to reach down and grab another weapon from his suit. He throws me off of him, growling when I reach out and grab his ankle, sending him back to the ground beside me. My earpiece beeps, telling me someone is trying to contact me. I push the button, struggling to keep Bucky down and listen at the same time.

"We've got him in custody, I'm sending someone down to help you detain the Soldier."

"I've got him covered..."

A sharp pain explodes in my thigh, causing me to release Bucky in surprise.

"Never mind, I'm going to need you to send help."

"What happened?"

Bucky rolls off of me, running down the street in pursuit of his lost target.

"He's headed your way, be careful."

"Rogers, What the hell happened?"

"I'm fine, I'll be down there in just a minute."

I disconnect the earpiece, trying to ignore the pain in my leg as I push myself to my feet. My leg doesn't support my weight very well, distracting me enough that I have to sit back down in an alley way to pull my earpiece back on.

"I'm down. Do you have him covered?"

"Not without a fight we didn't, but Natasha and Clint have it covered now. Where are you? I'll send someone down your way to take you back."

I rattle off my location, wincing when I hear gunshots through the other line.

"What was that?"

"Someone is down, I can't tell who it is yet. Stay put, someone should be there soon."

Even though he can't see me, I nod, drawing in a shaky breath as I make my response. 

"Alright. Just promise me you'll bring him in alive."

"We'll try our best."

"That's not good enough. Promise me he'll be brought in alive."

Shaking, I reach up to wipe the tears off my face, fighting the urge to look down and investigate my wound right now.

"I can't do that, and you know it."

I instantly struggle to pull myself to my feet when I hear footsteps approaching my location, bringing my shield up to cover my body as Sam turns the corner. He holds his arms up in surprise when he sees me standing here, cursing when I am forced to kneel back down.

"Where did he hit you?"

"I took a knife to the thigh, I'll be fine. Did they subdue him yet?"

He shakes his head, moving to look at the wound.

"This goes in pretty deep, you're not going to be able to walk on it for a few weeks at least."

I nod, struggling to stand as Sam takes a step back.

"Sit back down, I'll call in a car and we'll get you back to the Tower. Stark called another meeting."

"What for?"

He pauses, looking down at me for a moment before deciding how to best answer me.

"We need to figure out how to best deal with the Soldier."

I flinch at the harsh wording, biting my tongue to avoid starting another argument over the subject.

"How long till the car gets here?"

Sam must be able to sense the shift in my mood, going mostly silent as he looks down at his watch before he responds.

"Few minutes. Try to stay still."

I nod, leaning my head back against the wall and working to regulate my breathing. I give myself the few minutes of waiting time to inspect my leg, wincing when I see the amount of blood that has pooled around me. The car pulls up, just as I start to feel myself growing tired.

"Steve? Stay awake. Don't fall asleep, we need you to keep your eyes open."

Someone pulls me into the back seat, propping my head in their lap as Sam closes the door.

"I'm going to fly back and make sure everything is ready for him, keep him awake."

I glance up, noticing that Natasha is the one holding onto me.

"Nat..."

She almost jumps as the sound of my voice, hand reaching down to her hip and resting on her pistol before she calms and looks down at me. 

"Yeah?"

"What happened to Bucky?"

I wince as a wave of pain washes over me, fighting off the urge to pass out as Natasha begins speaking.

"He ummm...he got away. Again. Everyone is getting nervous about this Steve, we need to bring him in before something else happens. He's already injured you, he shot at me and Clint, the only reason he got away was because we weren't able to move his target out of the way before he came around the corner."

"He didn't-"

"Don't start with this again. Not here. We'll talk about it later."

We fall into silence, suddenly finding the car stopped with enough force to flip it over before it slams into a wall. Natasha jerks forward, yelping as her seatbelt digs into her neck. I hit the roof, being unsecured, and instantly know that this might leave permanent damage as the knife is driven deeper into my leg.

"What the hell just happened?"

I manage to move out of the way as Natasha unbuckles herself, avoiding being her landing pad as she crashes down beside me.

"Are you okay?"

"We need to get out of here."

She nods, kicking out the window and turning back around to pull me out. Instead, I find myself being dragged backwards as the window behind me is shattered.

"Steve?"

I grab onto the window frame with one hand, reaching out for Natasha with the other. A gun is placed to my head, another pointed at Natasha when she vaults over the car and lands beside me.

"Don't move."

Bucky looks down at me, firing off a shot towards Nat as she springs back behind the car for better cover. I reach up in the brief second Bucky is distracted, grabbing the gun from his hand and tossing it to Natasha. He reaches down, pulling me against his chest and holding the gun up to face Nat.

"Stop! Don't shoot her!"

Everyone stops moving for a second, Natasha suddenly seeming to figure out a way out of this.

"Steve, I'm sorry."

She raises her gun, almost flinching as she pulls the trigger. Pain flares through my arm, but a sudden shift in weight tells me she hit Bucky somewhere more vital. I fall backwards, barely able to see Bucky stumble around the corner before I black out.


	3. A New Experiment

*Winter Soldier*

"You let him get away?"

I nod slowly, still confused as to what exactly happened during my mission. My failed mission. My handler leads me into the examination room, calling in a small team to take my gear and weapons off. He tells me to pull off my shirt, getting more irritated when he sees that I got myself injured as well.

"Lie down."

He motions towards the examination table, making sure I am shackled to the table properly before he leaves. The metal is cool against my back, reminding me slightly of the freezing chamber. He returns a few minutes later, followed by a woman I don't recognise. With a surgical mask covering her face, I can't make out many of her features, but her eyes are visible enough to show me that she is afraid of something.

"How long has he been back for?"

"A few hours."

I shudder at the memories of the past few hours, trying to suppress the urge to throw up. The woman, clearly, notices that not all of my wounds are from battle.

"What happened to him?"

"It's none of your concern."

She flinches at the sharp tone of my handler, nodding and blurting out a quick apology before she begins working. I bite my lip as she starts cleaning the blood soaked area around where I got shot, pressing a cloth into my flesh in an attempt to clean it up enough to dig out the bullet.

"I...I think it's still in there."

My handler nods, watching her open a few of the cabinets and pull out the necessary surgical tools. She makes eye contact with me for a split second, seeming to apologise before pressing down against the wound. I instantly tense up, struggling against the restraints enough to make her stop. 

"You need to put him under, I...I can't operate if he won't hold still. Either that or sedatives. Something to dull the pain? Anything really, just the damage will be increased more than you would like if I operate while he's like this."

Something beeps loudly, an automated voice message sounding from the speakers as the lights flash red. I tense up, realising that I managed to damage the restraint system enough to break through them. Everyone freezes when I do, metal clanging to the ground as I sit up shakily. The woman screams, holding up her pistol as if it will serve to be an actual deterrent if I choose to attack her. My handler recovers quickly, turning back to face me with an almost bored expression plastered across his face. 

"Lie back down."

My body starts responding, ignoring what I'm trying to force it to do. He turns back to the doctor, motioning back towards me.

"Finish."

She nods, hands shaking as she walks back over. I allow her to position me where she sees fit, lying back against the table and tipping my head back in defeat. I avoid eye contact with everyone as she grabs a new set of tools, allowing a needle to be pushed under my skin as she injects me with an approved sedative.

"Hurry up, he needs to go in for his next round of treatments after this."

I feel everything she is doing, but my arm is numbed enough that I can't feel much of the pain. A clink on the table and sigh of relief tells me the bullet has been successfully removed, and she pulls me back into an upright position to begin wrapping my shoulder in bandages. 

"He shouldn't use his arm for at least a month, maybe more depending on how it heals. I would recommend a few scans to make sure I got everything out and to check the bone and muscle structures."

"Not right now."

"You could be subjecting him to further damage sir. If you aggravate this injury, we could be risking permanent damage. This...this could put him out of commission, forever actually."

He turns on her suddenly, irritation clearly printed in his movements.

"And how do you suggest we speed up the process?"

She flinches, withering under his gaze. I find myself able to move on my own again, struggling to fight past the pain and stand up.

"If not letting it heal naturally, I would say your experimenting so far has seemed to work. Add an extra dose of the new serum you're working on, it seems to speed up the healing process with few adverse effects. If used on him, however, I'm afraid it may interfere with his state of mind."

"Just do it. I can't have him out of commission for very long. He hasn't finished his mission."

They turn back towards me, noticing that the injections effects are already wearing off, and the woman pulls her pistol again. My handler speaks first, huffing in annoyance as it becomes clear that the damage runs deeper than just a bullet wound.

"Start the treatment now. I expect him back by the end of the week. Take him down to my lab once you're finished with him."

She nods, leading me out to sit in a chair that instantly starts feeding my vitals to the screen beside me. Metal cuffs clip into place over my ankles and metal arm, leaving my injured arm free. She pulls a drawer out, lifting a heavy looking box from its depths. 

"Open."

I open my mouth, accepting the rubber mouth guard she holds near my face. 

"This might hurt, just a little bit."

I flinch as she undoes the buckles, watching her closely as she injects the strange blueish liquid into my arm. Nothing happens for the first few minutes, both of us watching in apprehension for a reaction of some sort. My arm starts to itch, soon building to a strange tingling feeling. It's not until I feel the burning sensation that I realise my body is reacting to the injection. I bite down on the bit of rubber in my mouth, screaming as the pain becomes blinding. It doesn't wear off, or get better, but instead continues to steadily grow worse. Something keeps me from passing out, tethering my mind to consciousness as the pain becomes the only thing in my world.


	4. Coming To

*Steve*

"Steve? Wake up, come on."

Someone shakes my shoulder, jumping when I open my eyes. We're back in a car, Natasha moving back to reapply pressure on my leg.

"Hey."

"Where's Bucky?"

She doesn't answer me, but turns to shoot a quick glance over to Clint, who is sitting in the passenger seat.

"I need something else to wrap this in."

He nods, turning back to rummage around in the bag he's holding.

"I've got some napkins, a pair of sunglasses, an Altoids tin, is this...is this a tiara? Who's bag is this?"

"Mine."

I manage to look over at the driver, silently cursing when I realise it's Scott in the drivers seat. He takes a sharp turn, sending Nat and I against the far window.

"Shit, sorry."

"Don't get too comfortable Rogers."

Clint is looking back at us, smirking as we untangle ourselves. 

"How did-"

"Long story. Just know that Stark called Scott in, and he got here just in time to get us out of the area."

I nod, wincing as Nat accidentally falls into me again, hitting my leg and aggravating the wound again.

"Sorry."

My arm is numb and, after trying to move it, I realise the thing that knocked me out in the first place was a bullet. Nat winces when she sees me looking at my arm in confusion, muttering a quick apology before she continues trying to stop the bleeding.

"Are we going to be able to get him inside?"

"Yeah, we should."

Scott nods, pulling up to the front of the Avengers Tower and stopping the car as smoothly as he can to avoid jostling us around too much more. I don't wait for help, instead trying to stand on my own and hobble into the building, and end up lying on my back again with Nat yelling something that doesn't reach my ears. My eyes flutter shut, pain proving too strong to fight anymore.

~~~

A foreign sound reaches my ears as I begin waking up, something I haven't heard in a long time. Someone is singing, voice familiar but too far off to be who I think it is. Something about the voice draws me closer to consciousness, and I finally catch a bit of the lyrics to know it's something Russian. Nat. A flash of pain rouses me further, causing me to involuntary pull myself away from the perceived threat. I wake up drenched in sweat, sitting up quickly as I feel someone's hands on my hip. A sharp pain runs through my leg as I try to roll off of the bed, Natasha muttering something in Russian before she pushes me back down. 

"Lie still."

"What's happening?"

Nat looks down at me, turning her attention back to stitching me back up before responding. I swear I can catch something familiar flash through her eyes, concern. It scares me, she doesn't usually show sympathy.

"I'm finishing treating your injuries. You passed out on the way into the building."

I frown as she pauses the stitches for a moment, remembering my question from earlier.

"You shot me?"

"Yeah. I shot you, but I hit him worse."

The pain dulls slowly as I get used to the sensation of the needle running through my flesh, Natasha's fingers grazing across my skin every few seconds serving as something else to ground me. The silence stretches uncomfortably, prompting me to shatter it with something more than laboured breathing and grunts of pain. 

"What's the time?"

She turns to the table beside her, glancing down at her phone. 

"Around five."

I open my mouth to ask another question, finding it answered before I have a chance to speak.

"No. We haven't found him yet. He's back at the facility I think, no one has seen him since you went down."

"So I lost him?"

"That's not what I said. Relax, I need to finish these stitches before you start bleeding again."

I lie back against the pillows, moving my arm to see how much damage I took on. Not much, just a deep cut that runs across my bicep where the bullet grazed me. That's going to leave a scar.

"Is he alive at least?"

She nods, gently pushing on my leg to reposition me again. 

"Bend your knee."

I comply, wincing as the pain returns, but otherwise manage to stay still so she can finish. 

"Stay up here, you shouldn't be walking very much for the next few days."

"I need to get downstairs. Tony called a meeting and I-"

"Fine. But after that I don't want you walking around too much. At least not until the stitches come out."

I nod, ignoring her offer to help me stand after she ties off the surgical thread.

"Just take it easy Steve, please. I don't want to have to redo those."

"I'm fine."

Nat smiles softly, tossing me a pair of sweatpants before she turns to leave.

"Meet us downstairs in ten. I left some aspirin on the counter, that should dull most of the pain for you. And eat something too, we don't need you passing out again. We were barely able to get you up here the first time."

We laugh, her smile being one of the rare true glimpses into Natasha's true nature. I grin at the thought, ignoring, if only for a few seconds, the pain of everything from the past few months.

"I will. And thank you."

She nods, hugging me briefly before leaving for real. I wait until the door closes, changing into my sweatpants and a tee-shirt before I limp into the kitchen to take the medication that was left out for me. The fridge is mostly empty, containing little more than sandwich materials. It's a rare sight nowadays, but something about seeing the empty shelves takes be back to my childhood. I grab a sticky note when I snap out of my memories, posting it to the fridge after scribbling down a quick reminder about going shopping before I make my sandwich.


	5. Training

*Winter Soldier*

I jerk awake suddenly, blinking slowly as I try to clear my vision. The lab is devoid of people, practically unheard of unless something goes wrong elsewhere in the facility. I glance over when the doors slide open, revealing my handler and the female scientist that helped with the experimenting when I got back.

"He's awake now, right on schedule."

My handler looks at me for a second, annoyance flashing through his expression before he turns back towards the woman. 

"Good, get him in for training. Make sure to do an evaluation to see how well everything worked."

She nods, pushing a button on the wall to release me from the chair. I remain still, looking down at the worn linoleum flooring as I await further instruction.

"Get up, go get your training gear on."

They watch as I move about the room, occasionally pushing buttons to open things when I need them opened, but remaining otherwise uninterested in my movements as I change into a more flexible set of clothes. I'm able to inspect my arm briefly as I change, wincing when I take in the scarring that got left behind. I stand behind the woman once finished, having completed my task, and try to tune out their conversation. She turns to me finally, leading me down the corridors and to the training quarters of the facility.

"Shoot first, then we'll move you down for combat practice."

I nod, watching as a newer weapon is chosen from the case and waiting for the code to be punched in before she hands me the gun. It feels foreign in my hands, the inner mechanisms unfamiliar to me as I load a clip. After three or four rounds with the newer weaponry, I am told to switch back to my normal set of pistols and the MPG, which I am able to use more easily. I fall into an easy rhythm, reloading and emptying clips without a second thought. The bullets all hit their marks, torn paper concentrated to the centre of the targets that are posted up throughout the room. 

"Stop."

My hair falls across my face as I turn around, clicking the safety on the gun before I point it at the ground in front of me. The woman points at the table, ordering me to put the safety on the rest of the guns and put them down. I comply, instantly missing the feeling of a loaded weapon in my hand the second I set down the last pistol.

"Switch to the knives."

She hands me a box, watching me closely as I open it and pull out the first knife. It hits its target, each blade carrying a different weight in my hands as I try out the newer set that got mixed in with my usual set of practice knives. The sound of ripping paper and blades sinking into targets is almost calming to me, being one of the constants in my life, and it's over almost too soon. My handler comes in as I am switching over to a new set of knives, pulling the scientist aside to talk to her. I can hear their full conversation, failing to put my full focus into my training like I usually do.

"It worked, I think, his performance has been satisfactory all morning."

"Switch him over to close range combat."

"Yes sir."

I collect the knives when instructed to, boxing them back up before we walk further into the training rooms to reach the sparring rings.

"In here."

She gestures to a back corner, calling in another male to join me.

"We're testing to see if his recovery is fully through yet, don't go too hard yet."

The man nods, rushing at me almost instantly. I dodge, throwing him off balance, and end up with my metal arm across his throat, ready to push down harder and kill him.

"Enough. Let him up."

I stand almost immediately, watching the man stand across from me again.

"Go again. Harder."

We continue on in this manner for what seems like hours, new people being brought in to spar with me as I bring down the others. A woman steps into the ring next, something familiar about her reddish hair throwing me off mentally as she stalks closer. I end up on my back, her face close enough to mine that I can feel her breath ghosting across my neck.

"If you can hear me, give me a sign that you understand."

I flinch at the direct wording of her sentence, surely she isn't talking to me, but the scientist doesn't seem to hear her. My handler has her attention, talking about something related mo my recovery as I am training. 

"Your name is James Buchanan Barnes."

I start struggling against her, finding myself trapped again as soon as I try to regain my balance. It's an entirely new sensation, being trapped by an opponent, and I can hear the gears in my arm whirring as I prepare to fight her off in any way necessary.

"Steve is looking for you."

Something in her words pulls me out of reality, head reeling as I try to process what she said. She pulls me back down under her, leaning in to whisper one last thing before she leaves.

"Sputnik."

My vision goes dark instantly, mind shutting down as my body stills. I pass out suddenly, almost like she found a kill switch somewhere in my mind. The last thing I see through the haze is the red head standing back up and vaulting over the railing on her way back to the other training groups.


	6. Or It Could Get Me Killed

*Steve*

I wake up on the sofa, where I assume I passed out after the meeting. A quick glance at the wall display tells me it's almost midnight, I've been sleeping for most of the day. I hobble down the hall to the elevator, rubbing the sleep from my eyes as I push the button to go down to the main floor where I'm sure I can at least find Tony. The elevator doors open slowly, voices drifting down the hall from the kitchen. I stand in the doorway for a moment, blinking slowly as the sudden shift in light blinds me, and am instantly able to notice that almost everyone is here. 

"Where'd Nat and Clint go?"

Everyone turns towards me when I walk into the room, Tony glancing over at the empty seats before he responds.

"They left already."

"Left where?"

"On a mission, sit down."

I nod, still slightly suspicious of his response, but try to shake off the feeling as Tony continues speaking. He gets a call on his earpiece, standing almost immediately and motioning for us to follow him out of the room. I move to stand, ignoring the pain that runs down my leg at the slightest movement, and follow everyone out.

"Where are we going?"

"I'll debrief you on the way down."

I head up to my room, pulling on my suit and slinging my shield over my shoulders, regrouping with the others downstairs. Bruce keeps pace with me as we load up into different cars, ending up in the back seat with Wanda and Vision in the front. I turn to face Bruce, worry running through my body as he begins talking.

"Tony found out where the Hydra facility is, so Nat and Clint headed out to check everything out. They got in no problem, and Nat managed to find Barnes. She called us as soon as she found a free moment and now we're heading down to see what we can do so far as extraction is concerned."

"She found him? Is he okay?"

"We didn't get a status report past that."

I nod, fiddling with my seatbelt as we near what I assume is the facility.

"You've got to be careful, if you get hit in the leg again you won't be able to do much."

"I'll be fine."

"I know. Just, Nat said things might get out of hand quickly."

We stop on a back road, waiting in the car for a signal of some sort to tell us when to go in. Everyone else seems calm, but I notice the little things in everyone that tell me they are just as nervous as I am. I step out when I spot Tony, everyone following us over to the edge of the tree-line, where we can see the twenty meter dead zone between the forest and the security fence. Tony gets another call on his earpiece, motioning for everyone to be quiet as he speaks to whomever is on the other end. He turns to me for direction, signaling the end of our wait and the beginning of the takedown of yet another Hydra facility. I jog across the hard packed dirt as quickly as my injured leg will allow, each step sending waves of jagged pain through my body.

"Move in fast, stick to the plan. Someone get the electricity down on the fence, then the facility."

Nothing moves for a few moments, but Tony and Bruce have the fence turned off within a few minutes and are able to find a weak point for us to slip in through. They make their way over to the power units, rigging something up that explodes as soon as they are a safe distance away. I flinch at the sudden noise, managing to duck out of view as people start running out of the building to check on the damage. After a few minutes I decide to move again, whispering to Sam before I set off towards the darkened compound. 

"I'm going in."

He tries to grab onto me, but sinks back down when he realises I'm not slowing down. I make it through the doors within a few seconds, crouching behind a stack of crates in the corner to scout out the interior. My mind flashes back to the map hologram Tony pulled up from the information Nat sent him, telling me I'm in the storage rooms now. Just to my left should be the staircase, which is my only mode of travel as the elevator should be shut down until the backup generators turn on. I start off down the staircase, one hand on the railing to guide me and the other on the wall as another guide in the near total darkness. Someone screams suddenly, followed by an all too familiar string of curses as the generators kick in and a dim red lighting flickers on throughout the compound.

"Nat?"

She steps out of the shadows, a large bruise forming across the right side of her face.

"Steve? You weren't supposed to come."

I nod, wincing as I shift my weight onto my good leg. Her gaze travels from my face to my leg before she looks me dead in the eyes.

"You should be resting."

"Yeah, well we're this close to getting Bucky out and I wasn't going to sit around and let him get taken away from us again!"

She makes an odd expression before her face twists into a soft smile, nodding slowly as she walks back down the hallway.

"Alright. So you're here, no way we can change that now. Get ready, because I can hear them coming. Your boyfriend is down about five more levels, you'll find him easily enough. Wait for us down there, I'll meet up with the others once our sweep is done and we'll get a medic down there for him."

I nod, slightly dazed as I stumble down the next five sets of stairs. Something shoots out of the darkness at me as soon as I open the door at the end of the corridor, knocking me to the ground as the door slams shut and the lock clicks.

"Congratulations Captain America, you found him."

I whip around, searching for the rattling female voice, and seeing only a singular chair and the man sitting in it.

"Bucky?"

He doesn't even blink, ignoring everything until the female voice comes back on the speaker.

"The question is, now that you've found him, what are you going to do to keep him?"

Something mechanical whirs softly, the metal restraints on the chair hissing slightly as they release their hold on Bucky. I realise they already have him dressed in his uniform, lacking only the usual assortment of weapons. 

"Eliminate the Captain."

His head snaps up instantly, eyes locking on mine as I scramble to my feet. The door remains locked, causing my heart rate to skyrocket as I realise I would be no better off here than if I were in a cage with a rabid animal. The second I move he springs towards me, tackling me as my leg gives out under the sudden weight shift.

"Bucky! Bucky, stop. It's me...it's alright..."

His hands lock around my throat, metal of his left hand cool against my skin. I manage to get my legs under him, pushing up suddenly in an attempt to dislodge him. We end up on opposite ends on the room, each pausing a moment to study the other before I pull my shield off my back and chuck it at his stomach. He catches it with ease, hair falling across his face as he slides across the floor from the force.

"Stop fighting me, you don't have to listen to them Bucky."

Using his name only seems to frustrate him, something I may be able to use to my advantage. Or it'll get me killed, but there's only one way for me to find out.


	7. Piece By Piece

*Winter Soldier*

"Bucky!"

Something about the word disrupts my focus, and each time the man yells it at me distracts me more than usual.

"Shut up!"

He barely manages to roll out of the way when I lunge at him, sliding under the table and popping back up on the other side as I regain my balance. My handler didn't put weapons in my suit this time, serving as a further distracting factor as the female scientist continues yelling at us through the speakers, though her words seem to be directed more towards my target than at me. I lunge again as he continues trying to speak to me, feeling brief confusion as we are suddenly on the ground again. He struggles up after throwing me off of him, watching me with a pained expression as I circle back around the table to get closer to him.

"Bucky, please. Stop. You can fight this. You just-"

I'm across the floor before he can finish speaking, hands locked around his throat as we crash into the cement wall behind him.

"Stop talking!"

"I'm not going to fight you Bucky."

My training protocol didn't cover this, so my only reaction is fear. He goes red as I press my fingers into his neck harder, only loosening pressure when he hooks his feet around my legs and pulls me off balance.

"Focus on something else, you've got to break through it Buck."

I fling myself into him again, sending us crashing into the wall as he tries to reason with me. We get up rather quickly, my target holding his shield up as he tries to catch his breath. Blood streams from his nose, dripping slowly onto the cement floor and stirring something foreign inside of me. I drop to my knees as a memory crashes into me, images of a scrawny broken boy flashing through my head. Somehow I know they are the same person, and in that brief instant I feel something stronger than fear. A burning need to protect the boy in my head.

"That's it Bucky, come on. I know you're still in there."

The images slow, disappearing as my target kneels beside me. I stand when he reaches out to touch my shoulder, grabbing his arm and pinning him to the wall as the scientist says something else through the system.

"You won't be able to break through to him Capitan."

I take the brief moment of his distraction to tackle him again, noticing the way he shies away from using his right leg as much as he can. He winces when I shift my weight onto where I suspect a wound to be, confirming my suspicions when I dig my fingers into his leg and he starts wriggling around in agony.

"Bucky stop!"

The name irritates me more each time he uses it, bringing back flashes of memories that were wiped a long time ago. A name pops into my head suddenly, throwing me off enough for my target to flip us over and pin me under him. Steve. I push the thought out of my head, kicking his legs out from under him and regaining my position over him.

"You don't have to do this."

I hit him, hard, feeling a flash of emotion as his skin bruises under my fists.

"Bucky please..."

He stops struggling, allowing me to hit him as the door behind me flies open. I ignore whomever runs in, throwing them off of me when they try to pull me off of my target. My mission. I suddenly find myself under the red haired woman, thrown onto my back as she leans in closer to my face.

"Sputnik."

I allow myself to relax, falling into a dreamless sleep within seconds.


	8. Memories

*Steve*

(Start of Flashback)

I open my eyes to find myself in a different place than the one I fell asleep in, and after a brief moment of confusion, I realise I'm back in the apartment. Another few seconds and I realise I'm alone, but the chair has been moved from the corner to sit beside my bed. A lukewarm cup of tea sits on the floor beside the chair, no doubt left over from before Bucky left. the apartment is silent, unusual for the time of day, worrying me slightly. Bucky must have left. I try to sit up, but lie back down when I feel how badly my ribs hurt, instead choosing to yell for help. 

"Bucky?"

He doesn't respond, the apartment still dead silent as I finally decide to just get up and look for him. I wander around for a few minutes, swearing when I walk into the counter and bash my ribs against the worn surface. Something moves in the living room, turning out to be Bucky rolling over on the couch. I walk over to him and, noticing that he is asleep, carefully wedge myself beside him and wriggle under the blanket to keep warm. Bucky doesn't wake up, and I'm in too much pain to fall back asleep, but somehow it's more than I expected it to be. He snakes his arms around me, pulling me closer and pressing his face against my chest as he sleeps. I watch him for a few minutes, smiling sadly as I realise this is one of the only times I'll get to see him like this, arms wrapped around me, even if it's only in his sleep. My heart races when he moves, a warm feeling enveloping me when his lips brush against my neck as he speaks.

"Steve? What're you doing out of bed?"

"Nothing."

I roll over as carefully as I can, trying my best to avoid letting on how much pain I'm in, but inevitably fail when Bucky sits up and brushes against my side accidentally. I hiss in pain, recoiling before my mind can catch up with why I'm moving.

"What was that?"

He looks down at me, waiting for a response as I push myself up to sit beside him.

"What was what?"

I keep looking down at my hands, trying to ignore the look of concern on his face. 

"That noise you made, what happened?"

"I'm fine."

"Like hell you are. Get up, I'll check it out."

I nod, standing as Bucky untangles himself from the blankets and walks me into the bathroom.

"Take off your shirt."

"Bucky..."

"What?"

The frustration in his voice scares me, he never gets mad at me, but something is different about the way he moves today. I look down at my feet, refusing to look back up as Bucky moves around the small space to pull the first aid kit out. He notices my silence rather quickly, pausing a moment to look at me as I start unbuttoning my shirt. 

"What's wrong? Steve?"

I shake my head, hands shaking as I finish unbuttoning my shirt and pull it off.

"I'm sorry."

Bucky reaches out to touch my side, drawing his hand back when I wince.

"You probably broke at least one of your ribs, if not broken I'd say you've gotten them bruised or fractured pretty bad."

I nod, still avoiding eye contact as he inspects the bruises on my torso.

"Say something. Please. Come on Stevie, I didn't mean anything by it."

He tips my head up so I'm looking directly into his eyes, fingers gently gripping the sides of my face as he studies me.

"I'm sorry I snapped at you, I'm just frustrated. You got hurt pretty bad today."

"I'm fine."

"Yeah, I know you are."

I smile, pulling Bucky in for a hug and pressing my face against his shoulder as he wraps his arms around me. He is careful about where he places his hands, but his arm still hits my side, which hurts like hell for a second or two before fading to a dull throb. We stand like this for a few minutes, neither of us speaking as I press myself against him. 

"Are you hungry?"

"I guess."

"Lets go make something for dinner then, alright?"

I nod, trailing after Bucky as he walks back into the kitchen.

"We've got bread?"

"Yeah."

He pulls something out of the fridge, taking the bread from me and making sandwiches as I sit up at the counter. My feet still don't reach the ground, dangling under me when I sit. Bucky sits on the counter, watching me eat as he finishes making his food.

(End of Flashback)  
~~~

"Steve? Steve can you hear me?"

I sit up quickly, knocking someone onto the floor as I go into combat mode immediately. The figure shifts, rolling over onto their back. The lighting is dim, but I can make out the female figure lying on the floor as non hostile. 

"You're okay, calm down."

"Nat?"

"Yeah."

She stands up, sitting back on the edge of my bed as I lie back down. Neither of us speak for a moment or two, leaving Nat to break the silence. 

"How do you feel?"

"I'm fine."

My entire body hurts, and each movement tells me the location of a new bruise or cut I hadn't noticed before. I look around my room, heart racing as I try to calm down from waking up, when I realise someone is missing. My mind tells me everything is okay, but part of me still panics as I let it hit me that I may have lost him again. I just got him back and he might be gone already.

"Steve, what's wrong?"

I glance over at Nat, eyes wide with fear as the panic sinks in and takes over my mind.

"Where's Bucky?"


	9. Released

*Winter Soldier*

I lie awake for what feels like hours, finally pushing myself up when it hits me that I'm not in the compound. The darkness is here, yes, but not the sounds. The room smells different, not of cleaner, lacking the underlying smell of blood that the holding cells usually have. One of my legs is shackled to the wall, a collar of sorts around my neck. The chain is just long enough for me to reach the door, which I find is locked. Someone opens it almost immediately, gun held up in warning as I scramble backwards.

"Stay down, and I won't have to use this. Try anything, and my orders are to shoot you. Understood?"

I nod, watching her as she walks in and closes the door. It's the red haired woman from the last facility, confusing me more than I would like.

"Do you remember anything?"

She watches me for a few moments, unloading her gun and slipping it into her boot when it becomes apparent that I won't move from my spot in the corner. Someone outside starts yelling, drawing my attention away from the woman. She sticks a hand in her pocket, holding the other up in a way that tells me not to move. A call on her earpiece pulls her out of the room, leaving me alone again as the yelling quiets. I grab onto the chain, assessing its strength and the amount of force needed to break through it, which turns out to be not a lot. It snaps easily, leaving me free to move around the small concrete room. The door is locked still, but busting that is easy as well. A small group of people are standing in the room at the end of the hall, all of them looking up in surprise when I wander in.

"Don't move."

The red head comes in behind me, cocking her gun as she holds it against my neck. I hold my hands up in surrender, dropping to my knees and flipping her over me once she falls still behind me. Everyone freezes, watching as we struggle. Eventually I end up pinned back under her, lying still as the gun is pressed against my forehead.

"I told you not to move. Stand up, slowly, and keep your hands in front of you."

I comply, standing as she keeps the gun trained on my head.

"Turn around."

She pushes me against the wall, checking my clothes for weapons before spinning me back around.

"What should I do with him?"

"I haven't cleared him yet. Take him back."

Two more people enter, one of which I instantly recognise as my last mission. I tense up, freezing when I feel someone's hand on my wrist.

"Come with me."

The woman leads me out, away from my target, and back to a new room.

"I'm not chaining you up like last time, but if you try to break through the door again I'm going to have to hurt you."

I stand silently in the corner, watching her close the door and sit on the bed. Neither of us speaks for a few minutes, me because I'm not allowed to and her because of something else. She studies me closely, eyes travelling over me in a way that only happens during new rounds of testing or when I'm about to go back into cyro.

"What do you remember?"

I bite my lip, staying silent as she questions me.

"If you're not going to cooperate they won't let you out."

She waits expectantly, standing after a few minutes of silence. I wait until she makes it to the door, trying to find my voice before she leaves me alone again.

"Wait!"

The door creaks back open, the woman walking back in to face me.

"What?"

"I..."

She steps closer, eyes piercing as she studies me. My voice refuses to work, legs suddenly weak as I sink down against the wall.

"Are you going to talk to me now or no?"

I nod, refusing to look up as she sits down across from me.

"Who was your previous handler?"

"I...I'm not sure what his name was."

She pulls a file folder off the table, flipping through it until she finds the picture she wants, sliding it across the floor to me. I glance down at it, fear surging through me when I realise it is in fact my handler. 

"Is this him?"

"I'm not allowed to-"

"Then my time here is done."

I start to panic as I realise she is leaving again, forcing myself to say something else before she has a chance to walk out.

"Yes."

She thinks for a moment, eventually nodding and turning back around to face me.

"Come with me."

"Where are you taking me?"

I instantly regret the words, they are something that will surely get me punished. We walk down the corridor, stopping only a moment to wait for the elevator. A sudden voice startles me, coming form a speaker beside the control panel. 

"Is Mr. Stark aware that you have removed him from his holding cell?"

"No, he doesn't need to be bothered with it right now. I have everything covered."

The elevator falls back into an uneasy silence, stopping after a few floors.

"Stay close to me, I'm not sure who is up here."

I nod, following her down the hall and through a living room of sorts, where we find someone sleeping on the couch.

"Steve. Wake up."

The man sits up, face lighting up when he sees me. I watch with slight curiosity, waiting for another command to be given as they talk softly for a few minutes. I manage to catch the tail end of their conversation, when they turn back to me for something.

"Come over here. Sit down."

Steve sits up fully, pointing at the spot beside him as I sink down and wait for something else to happen.

"We need to get the collar off of him Nat."

"You know Tony won't let us."

I study his face while I wait, wincing as I take in the bruising that goes down to his collar. Finger marks are distinct against his neck, the bruising from being punched standing out in stark contrast to his pale skin.

"Bucky.."

My attention is drawn back to the conversation, much to the delight of Steve and Nat.

"Do you want to stay here with me or go down with Nat?"

My brain can't comprehend what is being said, leaving me to blankly stare at him as he speaks.

"I'll leave him up here with you. Let me find Banner, he might be able to get the collar off."

Steve nods, waiting until Nat is gone before he turns back to me.

"Do you umm...do you want to sleep or are you hungry or something?"

I sit silently, eyes averted as he stumbles over his words. I steal a glance upwards, noticing the deep shade of red he has turned since Nat left.

"It's about lunch time, so I'm going to go into the kitchen and make some food, if you want any. If not, you can use my room. It's down the hall."

He points to the opposite end of the room, in the direction of the bedroom I'm assuming, but I get up and trail him to the kitchen.

"Have a seat, I'll cook."

I sit at the counter, watching his cautiously as he moves around the room.


	10. Building Tensions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long, I hit a bloody road block in my writing. Hope you enjoy!

*Steve*

"Bucky."

His head snaps up, eyes wide with fear at mention of his name.

"I think you should go get some sleep. You've been up all day, and Nat said that you woke up sometime yesterday."

He stares blankly at me, eyes narrowed in suspicion when I walk over to where he is sitting.

"Come get some sleep."

I start to walk away after a few minutes of trying to convince him to get up, heading towards the bedroom in hopes he will follow, and he does. The short walk down the hall is silent, to say the least, neither of us talking. Bucky stops just outside the half open door, waiting until I wave him in before he moves again.

"Come lie down. I'm going to find Nat, see if we can do anything about getting that thing off your neck."

He nods, sitting on the edge of the bed as I turn around and leave the room.

~~~

"Steve calm down, he'll be fine."

I stop tapping my fingers on the table, glancing up at Nat when she speaks. 

"I know, I'm just nervous to leave him alone again."

"Jarvis hasn't said anything, so he's probably still sleeping."

I nod, still not convinced that Bucky is where I left him.

"Where is Bruce?"

"He said he was on his way, be patient."

Nat gets up to open the door when someone knocks, instantly reaching for a gun when the door is opened. I stand quickly, making my way through the slightly cluttered room to stand beside her. 

"What's wrong?"

She shakes her head, throwing the door open the rest of the way and stepping aside to allow two people through. It takes my mind a second or two to catch up, but I realise that Bucky has come over with Bruce. Natasha leads everyone into the kitchen, shooting me a quick glance that tells me Bucky is my responsibility for the time being. I nod, turning to offer him a seat before I sit on the counter beside him.

"So, what's the plan?"

"Tony said we have to wait until we're absolutely sure it's safe to remove the collar. He's honestly not happy that you two let him out though, so that could have something to do with it."

I nod, glancing over when Bucky shifts uncomfortably in his chair. He looks up at me for a brief second or two, wincing when I catch his gaze and make eye contact.

"Let me see if I can do anything about it."

Nat moves to stand behind Bucky, reaching into her boot to grab a knife before she brings her hands up to his neck.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you. Getting the wires crossed wrong could cause it to go off."

"And what happens if it goes off?"

"I...I think it's a shock collar Nat."

She stares blankly at Bruce for a moment, expression quickly melting into one of pure annoyance.

"How do we deactivate it?"

"I'm not sure yet, I'd have to look at it."

I stand up to leave, intending to find Tony and make him remove the stupid thing, but Nat grabs my wrist as soon as she realises where I'm going.

"Let me go."

"You're going to make things worse."

"I'm going down to find Tony. He's going to deactivate and remove the damn collar right now."

She lets go of my arm instantly, making me think I'm free to walk away, but instead I find myself on the floor with her sitting on my chest.

"Let us figure it out. You know that going to Tony yourself isn't going to help anything. Stay here and watch him, Bruce and I are going to find Tony and talk some sense into him."

I stand as soon at Nat moves off of me, watching her and Bruce leave before I turn back to Bucky, who still hasn't moved. 

"How're you doing?"

He tips his head slightly, but otherwise shows no sign of comprehending me or intending to answer my question. I sigh deeply, ducking my head with a mixture of disappointment and annoyance. His head snaps up when I start walking around the kitchen, eyes flicking between me and the floor as he tries to avoid being caught studying me I assume.

"Do you want anything?"

His expression is one I haven't seen before, but by the way his eyes widen I'm sure it isn't something he is asked often, if ever. He looks like he wants to respond, deep down, but eventually drops his gaze and ignores the question. I pour myself a glass of water, glancing back over at Bucky and deciding to get him a glass as well before I sit down across the counter from him. He hardly looks up when I sit, ignoring the glass entirely.

"You should drink something, you haven't had anything since we brought you in at least."

More silence. I take another sip of my water, the clinking of ice enough to make Bucky look over at me for a few seconds to assess the noise.

"You alright?"

He nods, barely, but it's more of a substantial answer that I've gotten in response to a question since we brought him in.

"Are you sure?"

He ignores me this time, almost flinching at the sound of my voice. I jump slightly when the door opens, looking up to see Nat and Bruce have returned, a clearly pissed Tony trailing behind them.

"I still don't think we should do this, he hasn't had an exam yet and we have no clue how stable he is mentally. He has already gone against orders, attacked Nat, and-"

"I don't care. Take it off, now, or you're going to have bigger problems than he can cause right now."

Tony glares at me, glancing over at Bucky to study him for a few seconds before he turns his gaze back to me.

"And if something goes wrong with his programming, how do you expect us to contain the threat?"

"He clearly isn't causing any problems right now."

"Not yet he isn't."

I stand quickly, taking a few steps towards Tony before Nat steps between us.

"You two need to stop arguing. Tony, you came up here to remove the collar. Steve, you need to calm down, getting worked up might get him worked up too."

She pushes gently on my chest, shooing me back to Bucky as Tony digs through the bag he brought with him, grumbling about being dragged upstairs for this. He moves to stand behind Bucky, who instantly tenses up as soon as Tony is behind him and out of eyesight.

"You're okay, he's not going to hurt you."

Bucky looks at me, eyes wide with fear as Tony's fingers brush against the back of his neck. I move to sit in the chair beside Bucky, keeping a close eye on his posture and facial expressions throughout the five or so minutes it takes Tony to remove the awful piece of equipment.

"Is that everything? I'm kind of busy down in my workshop right now."

He leaves without waiting for a response, door slamming shut rather loudly behind him. All of the tension leaves the room instantly, Bucky visibly relaxing as he reaches up and touches his neck.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah."

My head snaps up at the sound of his voice, however rough from disuse, but a verbal response nonetheless. A small smile breaks through the normally stoic mask I hold, seeming to surprise Bucky. He flinches at the sudden shift in my expression, glancing down at my hands before he looks back down at the floor.

"What's wrong?"

Nat reaches over and grabs my wrist, pulling me out of the kitchen and down the hall to a separate room.

"You've got to be careful around him."

"I... I don't know what I did wrong. He was fine one minute-"

"It wasn't your fault, he isn't used to being studied like this. Your expression shifted too quickly for his liking, the handlers back at the facility didn't smile out of kindness Steve."

She looks up at me, expression one closer to fear than I've seen on her face before. 

"Just be careful, okay? He wants to talk to you, I can see it, he's just not ready yet. Try not to look as interested when he responds to you, it scares him."

I nod, unable to find the words to respond properly to such a heavy statement.


	11. Making A Run For It

*Bucky*

Nat pulls Steve out of the room, leaving me alone with the nervous looking man I followed down here from Steve's rooms. He studies me closely, eventually deciding it's safe enough to sit down at the counter with me. I steal quick glances over at him out of sheer curiosity, trying not to be noticed, but ultimately failing when he makes eye contact. 

"Do you need anything?"

I flinch at the suddenness of such a direct question, my mind stalling as I realise there isn't anything in my programming to tell me what to do. He tries again after a few moments of silence, voice holding a steady tone that tells me he's trying not to scare someone.

"Are you alright?"

I realise after a few moments he must still be talking to me, fear coursing through my veins as I realise I can't give a satisfactory response.

"I..."

A slight shift in his posture tells me I probably did something wrong by speaking, prompting another flash of fear when he moves. My programming didn't cover this either. I can feel another headache coming on, hopefully not more false memories. My handler always told me they weren't real, anything I saw was made up or blurred together from my missions, before sending me back in to get my mind wiped again. I need to go back in for reprogramming again. Soon.

"Everything alright in here?"

My head snaps up at the sudden sound, body shaking as I realise I must be going back in now. Probably back into cyro.

"Bucky."

I turn and see Nat standing beside Steve, and based on their expressions I assume they were talking to me. 

"Are you feeling okay?"

The gears in my arm start whirring as my mind struggles to process the sudden attention, drawing the others slightly closer as they notice the new sound breaking the semi silence.

"Bucky? Calm down, you're okay."

I feel myself nodding to affirm what Steve has said, clenching my fists as I struggle to regulate my breathing.

"I'm going to keep him here with me. Bruce, go see if you can get an examination room set up downstairs."

He nods, standing quickly and exiting the room. Steve sits down uncomfortably close to me, worsening my adverse reaction to the situation. I stand suddenly and, before Steve and Nat have time to react, am already out the door and down the hall. Someone is chasing after me, the sound of their footsteps adding to my panic and sending me down the hall faster than before.

"Bucky wait!"

Something crashes down in front of me, and I soon realise that a person has fallen from the ceiling. Not fallen, dropped down, as he is crouched down on the floor a few yards in front of where I have stopped. He holds a bow in his hands, arrow nocked and pointed at my chest.

"Don't move."

My mind quickly goes back into combat mode, this must be my mission. I have to get out of the building and return to the compound, without getting myself killed in the process. I reach over my shoulder instinctively, fingers brushing against the soft fabric of my cotton shirt but not my gun. My harness is gone, meaning I am unarmed and alone. A shift in the mans posture tells me he's probably going to shoot soon, so I do the only thing I can think of and lunge towards him. He releases the arrow, quickly nocking a new one as I hit the ground and roll into him. I end up sitting on his stomach, hands locked around his throat as he tries to offset me. 

"Bucky stop! Let him go!"

Someone flies into me, their weight knocking me off of my current target and sending us crashing into a wall. I wriggle my way out from underneath someone, Steve I realise after a moment of hesitation. I can't hurt Steve. My programming prompts me to run again, and I soon find a large enough window for me to jump through. A quick glance down tells me it's a two story drop, and seconds after I crash through the glass, I'm on the ground again. Pain shoots up both of my legs, but I ignore it and keep running. Something crashes to the ground behind me, just as I'm turning the corner and hopping over the brick wall that ends the alleyway.

"Stop running!"

Steve again. I may need to hurt him, just to get away and return to the compound. I turn another corner, waiting for him to follow before I grab him and slam him into the wall.

"Don't follow me."

"Bucky stop! Calm down, you need to come back with me. Please, I...I'm not loosing you again."

Something about the tone of his voice stops me from taking off again, and I soon find myself letting go of him and taking a slow step backwards. A flash of pain through my head is enough to distract me, and it isn't until I'm sitting on the ground that I realise that I'm having another episode.

~~~

(Flashback Start)

It's dark out, a dim clock display on the night table beside me shows that it's just after midnight. Someone shifts beside me, snuggling closer, and I look down to realise it's Stevie, who managed to tuck himself inside of my jacket while we slept. I draw the blankets tighter around us, frowning as I realise a sudden chill has descended over the room. Steve makes a soft noise in the back of his throat, tucking his head in the crook of my neck as I wrap my arms around him again. I can't quite tell what woke me, but I can't leave Steve alone to get up unless I hear it again. After about an hour of running my hands through Steve's hair and watching the clock, I finally manage to drift off again, falling back into an uneasy sleep. 

Another noise wakes me a few minutes later, and this time I am instantly able to zero in on the source of the disruption. Stevie is coughing again, not badly, yet, but still cause enough for worry, as it can turn nasty pretty quickly. I shift so he can breathe a little easier, making sure his face isn't pressed against my shoulder anymore.

"Bucky?"

"I'm right here Stevie."

He nods slightly, putting his face right back against my shoulder before passing out again. I smile softly, glancing over at the clock to see that its close to three already. Steve is deep asleep when I get up to make some tea, finding myself unable to get back to sleep. I take off my jacket, slipping it around Steve's shoulders and wrap him back up in the blankets before I leave the room, shivering in the icy kitchen as I put the kettle on the stove.

(Flashback End)


	12. No Way To Help

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve got translations for the Bucky/Nat conversations at the end. Enjoy!

*Steve*

Bucky stumbles away from me suddenly, face paling as he starts shaking. He sits down, head in his hands, and closes his eyes tightly. I kneel down beside him instantly, unable to tell if this is a panic attack or something else. He doesn't react when I reach out, touching his shoulder gently in an attempt to gain a reaction of some sort. 

"Steve?"

I turn quickly, moving into a defensive stance, but settle back down when I realise it's just Nat.

"What happened?"

"I don't know. He wasn't like this a few seconds ago."

She kneels beside us, pushing me out of the way gently in order to be directly in front of Bucky. I try to move back to his side, finding my movement blocked by Nat, who pushes me away again.

"Give him a few minutes, step back a bit too."

I sit back down, watching closely as Nat starts talking to Bucky. Something she says catches his attention, and a few seconds later I find myself pulling Nat out of the way before Bucky can grab onto her. He moves into a defensive position, eyes wild as he tries to figure out where he is. I move out from under Nat, holding my hands up to show that I am unarmed as I kneel in front of Bucky.

"Stevie?"

This throws me off, I haven't heard the nickname since before the train. Bucky stares at me, equally shocked. Neither of us moves until Nat interrupts the silence, speaking directly to Bucky.

"ты в порядке сейчас?"

He hesitates, tipping his head in question to her.

"ты можешь говорить."

"извините, это происходит снова."

Nat frowns, glancing over at me before she speaks again.

"что такое?"

"они сказали не говорить."

"кто?"

He doesn't respond to this, dropping his gaze to the ground below him.

"Баки?"

His head snaps up, face devoid of emotion, but his eyes are brimming with tears.

"это было реально?"

"что было реальным?"

"Стив. был ли он когда-нибудь отличным от этого?"

Nat looks confused again, looking back at me for help. I shrug my shoulders, not understanding their conversation, much less able to help her with Bucky at the moment. She pauses, eventually finding the right words to continue their conversation.

"иначе как?"

"меньше. и болен."

"Да."

She turns to me after this, switching back to English so we can talk.

"Lets get him back. You two have a lot to discuss, and he still needs to be cleared medically."

I nod, standing quickly and extending a hand to help Bucky up after me. He declines, almost flinching, and stumbles back to his feet to stand silently beside Nat. The walk back is silent, but by the time we round the final corner it is evident that the alarm has been sounded. We are immediately met by Tony, who is pissed, Bruce, who looks more concerned than anything, and a very angry Clint. I move in front of Bucky instantly, finding myself reaching for his hand out of habit. He tenses up at the contact, not relaxing even after I drop his hand.

"What the hell happened?"

Nat steps forward first, trying to diffuse the situation before anyone gets hurt. I don't catch much of their conversation, but eventually Tony steps aside and let's us back into the building. Bucky sticks close to my side, eyes cast downward every time I turn back to look at him. Nat catches up with us finally, pulling me away from Bucky just far enough that he can't hear us. 

"Let's take him downstairs with Bruce."

"Are you sure that's a good idea right now?"

She nods, glancing behind her for a moment before turning back to talk to me.

"I think we can handle him. He trusts you, I think, and he talks to me alright."

"I'm just worried he might freak out again."

"It'll be fine. He's probably in pain right now, I think I know more or less what needs to be looked at."

I wince at the mention of possible untreated injuries, following Nat back around the corner to retrieve Bucky before we head down the hall to the elevator.

"как вы себя чувствуете?"

Bucky frowns, turning to me for help. I shrug my shoulders, pushing the button on the elevator as Bucky turns back to Nat.

"ты можешь ответить."

He shifts uncomfortably, moving slightly closer to me. 

"Отчет о повреждениях?"

"Ничего, что помешает моей следующей миссии."

"это был не вопрос солдат. Я попросил у вас отчет о повреждениях."

Bucky flinches visibly, following me quickly into the elevator as I step in. Nat follows, pushing a button for whichever floor she's taking us to before turning back to Bucky. I study his reactions, trying to figure out what she is saying to make him so shaken. I can tell something is frustrating Nat as well, so I assume their conversation isn't going as planned.

"ушибленное ребро или два, возможно сломанный. Я не уверен, как, хотя."

"что-нибудь еще?"

He pauses, waiting until we are out of the elevator to continue speaking.

"Мне нужно вернуться для перепрограммирования."

"Shit."

Nat turns to me immediately, reaching down to her hip where I'm sure a gun is waiting.

"What's going on?"

"I'll talk to you in a minute."

I nod, following her down the hall into an examination room. Bucky stands in the doorway, waiting for me to wave him over before he moves again.

"Sit here, don't leave the room. Okay?"

"Yes sir."

Nat locks the door behind us, walking further down the hall to the next door down. Bruce is already waiting here for us, jumping slightly when the door opens. I look around the room, one I haven't been in yet, and am surprised to see a screen of camera feeds on one wall and a two way mirror on the other. 

"You can observe him from here, if you'd like. Too many people in the room may upset him, and I'd prefer to not have that happen."

I nod, sitting in one of the rolling office chairs that are placed around the room. 

"I'll call you in if I need your help with anything, but I think we should be alright."

"He mentioned something is wrong with his ribs. That's the only physical damage he reported, but I shot him a few days ago, so check him for that. He jumped through a window today, so glass, and it was a second storey window, so check for shock damage."

Bruce nods, leaving the room and entering Buckys.

"I'm heading out, call me if you need anything."

I watch Nat leave, frowning slightly as I realise that I may be here for a while with no way to help. 

>Translations<

ты в порядке сейчас? Are you okay now?

ты можешь говорить. You may speak.

извините, это происходит снова. I'm sorry, it's happening again.

что такое? What is?

они сказали не говорить. They said not to tell. 

кто? Who?

Баки? Bucky?

это было реально? Was it real?

что было реальным? Was what real?

Стив. был ли он когда-нибудь отличным от этого? Steve. Was he ever different from now?

иначе как? Different how?

меньше. и болен. Smaller. And sick.

Да. Yes.

как вы себя чувствуете? How are you feeling?

ты можешь ответить. You can answer. 

Отчет о повреждениях? Damage report?

Ничего, что помешает моей следующей миссии. Nothing that will get in the way of my next mission.

это был не вопрос солдат. Я попросил у вас отчет о повреждениях. That wasn't the question Soldier. I asked you for a damage report.

ушибленное ребро или два, возможно сломанный. Я не уверен, как, хотя. A bruised rib or two, possibly broken. I'm not sure how though.

что-нибудь еще? Anything else?

Мне нужно вернуться для перепрограммирования. I need to go back in for reprogramming.


	13. Another Memory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translations are (again) at the end.

*Bucky*

"I'm going to need you to remove your shirt please."

I comply, slowly drawing my shirt over my head and discarding it on the floor in front of me. Bruce inhales sharply, probably from seeing the scarring that litters my body. He hesitates before moving again, clearly remembering the last time he scared me off, and stops a few steps in front of me.

"Which side did you get injured on?"

"Which time?"

"Your ribs."

I touch my side gently, withdrawing my hand when Bruce reaches out. I pull back almost instantly, standing and taking a few steps away from him.

"You need to stay still. Sit back down."

He motions towards the bed, watching me expectantly as I sink back onto the bed. I cast my eyes downward again, where my gaze belongs, and try to resist the programming, which tells me to return to my handler. 

"You're uncomfortable. Why is that?"

I flinch, fighting the urge to look up to meet his gaze, and remain silent. Surely it isn't a question, but rather a reminder to stay in my place. Of course this means they realise there is a fault in my coding again, that I'm thinking again rather than just following orders. I wince as I realise this, drawing the attention of the Doctor.

"Sorry, I didn't mean for that to hurt."

I glance down at his hands for a second, realising he has put an IV into my arm.

"I'm going to have you on bed rest down here until your ribs heal a bit more, you have broken two and bruised at least another."

I nod, lying back in the bed when he asks me to. No restraints click into place, and he doesn't grab any from the cabinets, which I notice are unlocked. 

"When was the last time you slept?"

"Steve said yesterday."

"And were you sleeping normally before that?"

I shake my head, trying to limit my speech to the least amount possible. The quieter I am, the less severe my final punishment will be.

"I'm going to go grab something that should help you sleep. Stay in bed, I'll be right back."

He leaves the room, door unlocked, and I sit up quickly when it opens again.

"Relax, it's just me."

I look over, relaxing when I see Nat's face. She has something in her hands, not seeming to care when Bruce follows her into the room and closes the door behind them. 

"Стив сказал, что это должно помочь тебе спать."

"что это?"

Nat ignores my slip up, handing me the mug she brought with her and pulling a chair over to the bedside. Bruce remains by the door, watching closely as I raise the glass to my lips and take a sip of the lukewarm tea. My head starts to hurt suddenly, and I realise only after Nat jumps out of her chair that I have dropped the mug on the floor beside where I am now sitting. I draw my knees up to my chest, curling inward on myself as my vision blurs out and the memories begin to resurface. 

~~~Flashback~~~

"Drink this."

"I'm fine, you should get some sleep."

My mother gives me a knowing look, a slight twinkle in her eye as she tries again to shove a chipped porcelain mug into my hands. 

"You're sick, James, and I would prefer it if you didn't get your sisters sick as well. You need to sleep, so your fever will break."

"I'll be fine."

She shakes her head, pushing the mug into my hands and leaving the room to go check on my sisters, one of whom have just woken up in the bedroom. I chuckle, raising the glass to my lips and taking a long drink of the lukewarm tea, making a mental note to go out and buy more tomorrow. The bedroom door opens again, and one of my sisters flings herself on top of me suddenly. I manage to set the mug down on the floor without spilling any, wincing when I get an elbow to the stomach.

"Mama says you're sick, but I don't think you'd let me get sick, not even if you are."

She moves again, nearly falling off the couch had I not grabbed onto her.

"You've got to be more careful Lydia, you almost fell again."

She laughs, lying down on my chest and tucking herself under the blankets with me.

"You're gonna get sick if you don't go back to bed with our sisters."

"Eloise keeps taking all the blankets."

I suppress a smile at this, its usually Lydia that ends up snuggled up in all the blankets by morning.

"Are you sure it wasn't you?"

This makes her laugh, especially when I tickle her sides and make her squirm.

"It wasn't me!"

I smirk, hands hovering just above her sides as she catches her breath.

"What are you two doing? I thought I told you to go back to bed Lydia. And you, James, are supposed to be sleeping as well!"

Lydia slides off of my lap, darting back into the bedroom as mum walks to sit on the couch beside me. The mood drops, and I can tell that she hasn't slept in a while.

"You need to get some sleep ma, you're working too many shifts now to not sleep when you get a chance."

"I'll be alright, it's you and the girls I'm worried about."

I reach over to the end table, grabbing a brush and motioning for her to turn around. She does, pulling the elastic from her hair and letting it spill down her back. I start brushing through her locks, eventually working all the knots out and starting an intricate braid pattern as she vents about work and whatnot. I tie off the end, setting the brush back down on the table and leaning back against the cushions.

“Get some sleep, I’ll wake you up before my shift.”

She nods, kissing my forehead lightly before turning off the lights and walking into the bedroom with my sisters. It’s only now, when I’m sure no one else will come down the hall to check on me, that I admit to myself that I fight actually be sick right now. I wrap my blanket tighter around myself, finally managing to fall asleep almost as soon as my head hits the pillow.

>Translations<

Стив сказал, что это должно помочь тебе спать. Steve said this should help you sleep.

что это?  
What is it?


	14. Breakthroughs

*Steve* 

"What did you do?"

"I...I thought it would help. It's what his ma used to give him when he was sick, and its what he gave me when I was sick. It...it's the type of tea he would drink when his insomnia would get bad, so I thought it would help him now."

Bruce sighs, running a hand down his face before he responds.

"You may have just overloaded his mind Steve. With the brainwashing and stuff, too many stimulants or memories attached to something can and will set off flashbacks. From what I have observed so far, it seems to me that he is fighting against them, but when one is triggered he can't do much about it."

I nod, glancing back at the camera feed to make sure he is still sleeping. Nat and Bruce rushed over here as soon as he passed out, instantly interrogating me to figure out why the tea would have triggered anything.

"You need to let me know before you try to trigger anything like that again. It can be overwhelming to him."

"I'll talk to him once he wakes up."

Nat leaves the room after saying this, muttering something about food before the door swings closed. 

"You should get some sleep Steve. I'll watch over him and get you when he wakes up."

"I'll be fine."

He hesitates before responding, clearly not accepting my response. 

"Steve-"

"I don't want him to wake up alone again."

I turn away after this, wincing when I realise Bucky is awake again. He has spotted the cameras, and is sitting curled up in the corner again. Bruce stands when he sees this, saying something about the IV being pulled out before he leaves the room. I switch on the cameras audio, sliding my chair across the floor so I'm sitting closer to them.

"Where are they?"

"Who?"

I dial Natasha's number immediately, preparing to jump up and run next door at a moments notice. She finally answers, after letting the line ring a few times, and sounds almost bored.

"Hey."

"We need you down here. Now."

She hesitates, her words sounding almost strained and I realise she is running now.

"What's going on?"

"Just hurry."

"I'm almost to the elevators. Don't do anything stupid."

A flash of movement on the screen catches my eye, Bucky has crossed the room to stand just a few paces away from Bruce. I toss my phone down on the table, sprinting out of the room and bursting into the next one. Bucky scrambles backwards instantly, but he recovers quickly from the shock and moves closer to me, Bruce seemingly forgotten.

"What happened to them?"

"To who?"

"Lydia. Eloise. Our ma. Where did you take them?"

I flinch outwardly, clearly I triggered something worse than expected. Natasha has arrived, lingering in the doorway and watching silently.

"Bucky..."

"Where are they?"

He's practically screaming now, tears streaming down his face. I feel myself about to start crying now, blinking hard to try to prevent the tears from falling. Not here. Not now. I'm not supposed to cry, not in front of people anyways.

"They're gone."

"No...no! You're lying! Where are they?"

Natasha grabs my arm, trying to pull me out of the room, which sets off Bucky again. I realise she already pulled Bruce into the hall, and is now trying to get us out before Bucky goes off and hurts someone again.

"Steve lets go."

"No. Let me stay."

She nods, letting go of my sleeve and closing the door behind her. 

"What the hell did you do to them?"

"Calm down, you need to listen to me."

He frowns, glancing suspiciously at the cameras as I talk.

"Nat."

I motion for the cameras to be cut, and the intercom instantly comes on.

"Not a chance."

"Cut the video. Now."

Nat pauses for a moment, voice sounding more unsure when she responds. 

"Steve..."

"Do it."

The light to signal operation turns off, and Bucky instantly becomes less tense.

"What happened to them? Tell me the truth, now, or you'll regret it."

I hold my hands up in surrender, walking over to the chair that Bruce left by the bed and sitting down slowly.

"We don't know exactly what happened to them Buck. After we left, communications with family back home just sort of stopped."

"I asked what happened to them!"

He tenses up again, muttering something to himself as he starts yelling again. I stand quickly, causing him to sit on the floor and cover his ears with his hands.

"Bucky..."

I kneel beside him, ignoring Natasha and Bruce yelling at me on the intercom. He lets me reach out and touch his shoulder, looking up and staring wide eyed at my hand. I pull away, opening my arms and sitting against the wall. He tips his head at me, glaring suspiciously at me.

"You're okay. Come here."

He flinches at the statement, but eventually scoots closer to me. I take this as invitation to reach out, pulling him to my chest and guiding his head to rest just over my heart. It takes a few minutes, but eventually he calms down and relaxes. I reach down, running my hand through his hair and running the other soothingly down his back.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

He doesn't respond much, just scoots closer, but his arms tighten around my midsection when I shift into a more comfortable position.

"Steve."

"Yeah?"

"I'm scared."

I don't respond, I can't, but he seems to take the silence as an invitation to open up finally.

"I don't know who I am or why I'm here or what to do about it. And it hurts. It hurts so bad."

He shifts so he's sitting in my lap, lying his head on my shoulder.

"I just want to go home."

"I know."

The door opens, just as he's falling asleep, and Nat stands just inside the doorway.

"Is he sleeping?"

I nod carefully, trying not to disrupt him, and Nat glances down at his sleeping form.

"Do you want to come upstairs with us or no?"

"I don't want to wake him. I'll message you if I need anything. Could you pass me a blanket though?"

She nods, pulling the blanket off the bed and tossing it to me before leaving. I shift around so he's in a more comfortable spot, wrapping the blanket around his body and settling in for a few long hours on the floor.


	15. Calm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys know the drill, Russian translation at the end of the chapter. Thanks for reading. Love you all!

*Bucky*

I wake up to voices, Steve's and Natasha's, so I lie still and try to avoid being noticed so I can listen to their conversation. 

"Have you two been down here this whole time?"

"Yeah."

"And he's been sleeping alright?"

Steve shifts, I'm leaning on him I realise, and Nat seems to take that as an answer.

"You should get some sleep Steve."

"I was, until you opened the door at least."

They both laugh softly, Steve tightening the blanket around me as he pulls me closer.

"Do you want to set him down in the bed and come upstairs for some food?"

"I don't want to leave him. Besides, I've missed this. It used to be the other way around though, he'd usually hold me like this to keep us warm during the winter. Hell, I've slept better today than I have since they thawed me out."

I start to fall back asleep, listening to his voice, and eventually their conversation fades out as I pass out again.

~~~

Steve starts running a hand through my hair again, rubbing my back soothingly as he realises I'm waking up.

"Hey."

I mumble something incoherently, pushing my head against his hand as an invitation to continue playing with my hair. I relax slowly, soothed by the feeling of Steve's breathing and his hand in my hair.

"You should come up with me and get some food."

I shake my head, pressing closer to Steve and tightening my arms around his waist.

"Do you want me to have Nat bring food down?"

"Yeah."

He chuckles, reaching over to grab his phone off the floor beside us. I close my eyes again, focusing on the feeling of his heartbeat and the sound of his voice. 

"He's up. Can you bring some food down for us please?"

There is a moment of silence before the thanks her and sets his phone down, shifting slightly as I reach over to entwine my fingers with his. The door opens a few minutes later, bringing the smell of hot food as Natasha walks in.

"как вы себя чувствуете?"

"пустой"

She sets a tray down on the floor, far enough back to allow Steve and I room to untangle ourselves without knocking into it.

"ты хочешь поговорить об этом?"

"нет."

"хорошо. дайте мне знать, если вы передумаете."

"конечно."

Steve hands me a bowl, opening one of the water bottles and setting it in front of me as well. He and Nat each grab their bowls, silence settling over us as we eat. I hardly eat a quarter of the food they give me, worrying Steve when he notices my lack of appetite.

"What's wrong?"

"They didn't...I...I haven't gotten food like this before."

He freezes up, face falling as he glances over at Nat for help.

"что ты обычно получаешь?"

"питание через IV."

"когда в последний раз ты ел настоящую еду?"

I fall silent again, trying to remember eating rather than watching an IV be put into my arm. 

"я не могу вспомнить"

She nods, glancing worriedly at Steve.

"Мне нужно поговорить со Стивом. выпей немного воды, пока нас нет."

I nod, watching her stand and take Steve into the hall. My water is unexpectedly cold, an almost shocking sensation as it trickles down my throat. I grab Steve's after I drain my bottle, finishing his as well while they are gone. The door swings open after about fifteen minutes, Steve walking in followed by Natasha and Bruce.

"Брюс пришел с нами, потому что хотел проверить тебя."

Bruce kneels beside me, reaching out and grabbing my right arm. I instantly pull away, standing up and backing up towards Steve. 

"он просто проверяет, как недавно они тебя застряли."

"Нет."

She hesitates for a moment, looking back at Bruce before she turns back to respond to me.

"Баки-"

"Я сказал нет."

My words come out harsher than I expected, but it seems to be enough to make Nat back down. For the moment at least.

"Bucky, I need to check on it. Alright? If you don't let me, then we are unable to tell how malnourished you are and that could be detrimental to your health."

Begrudgingly, I accept the seat that Bruce pulls out for me, only after Steve shoots me a worried glance. 

"Let me see."

I offer my arm out to him, struggling to resist the urge to pull away and attack him. Nat recognises the look in my eyes, nudging Steve and alerting him to distract me. He does, quickly, and walks over to perch on the arm of my seat.

"Relax, you're alright."

I nod, reaching out my free hand to grasp Steve's. He shivers slightly at the cool touch of metal, running a finger across the back of my hand to feel the plating. Bruce runs his fingers across my flesh arm, finding the most recent set of needle marks.

"Do you remember when this was done?"

"After I got shot. They took me back and stuck me with something to boost the serums healing ability."

"Do you remember any IV besides the one I gave you earlier?"

I shake my head, not wanting to talk to him any more than I have to.

"Let us know if you start to feel adverse reactions to solids, and I'll get you back on an IV so we can ease you back into it."

He turns to Steve now, dropping my arm and pulling back.

"Keep an eye on him, I'm not sure how well his body will react to him eating normal food again."

Steve nods, thanking Bruce as he leaves. Nat stays, watching Bruce go, and turns back to Steve and I after the door closes.

"Why don't you two go back upstairs and get cleaned up? I'll stay down here and pick up from dinner."

Steve stands, pulling me up with him, but neither of us moves towards the door. 

"I've got it, go."

I get stuck watching her, finding myself unable to move until Steve pulls on my arm and drags me out into the hall.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

I can tell as soon as the words pass my lips that he won't believe me, suppressing the urge to flinch when he stops walking and turns towards me. 

"Bucky..."

"Not right now, but I need to talk to Nat about it at some point."

Steve nods, brow still creased with worry as I start walking again. 

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"That look of pity. Stop."

My tone is much colder than expected, surprising both of us, and we fall into an icy silence as we near the elevator.

>Translations<

как вы себя чувствуете? How are you feeling?

пустой. Empty.

ты хочешь поговорить об этом? Do you want to talk about it?

нет. No. 

хорошо. дайте мне знать, если вы передумаете. Alright. Let me know if you change your mind. 

конечно. Sure. 

что ты обычно получаешь? What did you usually get?

питание через IV. Nutrition through the IV. 

когда в последний раз ты ел настоящую еду? When was the last time you had real food?

я не могу вспомнить. I can't remember. 

Мне нужно поговорить со Стивом. выпей немного воды, пока нас нет. I need to talk to Steve. Drink some water while we're gone. 

Брюс пришел с нами, потому что хотел проверить тебя. Bruce came down with us because he wanted to check on you.

он просто проверяет, как недавно они тебя застряли. He's just checking to see how recently they stuck you.

HeT. No.

Баки. Bucky.

Я сказал нет. I said no.


	16. 7/4/1934

*Steve*

Bucky falls silent, lost in thought as he watches Natasha move around the room. She's humming softly, the same tune of whatever she was singing while she patched me up earlier.

"I've got it, go."

I grab onto Bucky's sleeve, pulling him out of the room and waiting for the door to close before I start talking.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

His voice is rough, though rather from sleep or something else I cannot tell, but he is obviously lying based on the way he tenses up again. I stop walking, turning to face him and letting my hand fall away from his sleeve.

"Bucky..."

"Not right now, but I need to talk to Nat about it at some point."

I nod, still frowning as he starts walking again. He's getting worked up again, shoulders ridged as his mind gets fixated on something that bothers him.

"Stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"That look of pity, stop."

Silence settles over us as we near the elevator, and as soon as the doors slide shut I can tell that Bucky hates the enclosed space almost as much as heights. I reach out to grab his hand, wincing at the death grip he puts on mine as soon as I lace our fingers together. We are still holding hands when the doors slide open at my floor, Bucky all but sprinting out with me in tow. He lets go almost instantly, eyes glued to the floor as his cheeks go pink.

"What?"

"Nothing."

I nod, feeling my own face begin to heat up as I realise what just happened. Bucky reverts back to the silent shadow he has been since we brought him in, much to my dismay, and remains glued to the spot until I ask him to follow me out.

"You should hop in the shower. Let's go get you some clothes."

He nods, following me into my spare room and watching silently as I show him where everything is.

"I'm going to take a shower then go to bed, but I'll be just down the hall if you need anything."

"Okay."

I smile sadly, noticing how heartbreaking one word can be. Usually he would make some snarky remark, or offer to join me, but never this. Not even when we were fighting would he go silent on me. He notices my discomfort, because he tenses up more the longer I stand here.

"I'm going to go now. Breakfast is usually around nine."

I can tell he wants to say something, but he's waiting for permission again.

"You don't need to ask Buck, you can talk to me."

"Sorry."

"It's not your fault. Did you need anything?"

He pauses again, seeming to struggle with something before he settles and is able to speak again.

"Can I...can I sleep in your room tonight? Please."

There is a glimmer of hope in his eyes, barely visible through the fear that clouds his usually clear eyes. I find myself unable to respond beyond a nod, too happy to form a coherent sentence. He leaves instantly, shutting the bathroom door and starting the water as I walk away and do the same. I'm still in the shower when I hear my door open, and a knock on the bathroom door is enough to pull me out of my thoughts.

"Steve?"

"I'll be out in a minute Buck, let me finish up in here. Go sit down."

He doesn't respond, but a few seconds later I hear my bed creak as Bucky sits down. I finish rinsing my hair, turning off the water and reaching for my towel. It's only now that I realise I left my clothes in the other room, which is now occupied by Bucky. He glances up when I open the door, but reverts his gaze back to the bedspread when he realises I'm wearing only a towel.

"Sorry, I left my clothes in here."

I start riffling through my drawers, pulling on a pair of boxers and sweatpants before I toss the towel towards my dirty laundry hamper.

"Nice ass Rodgers."

I turn around to see Bucky staring unashamedly at my ass, signature smirk plastered across his face. His gaze travels up my body to meet my eyes, a flicker of amusement going through his.

"Thanks."

He chuckles, a bit of the old Bucky coming back to the surface again. I walk over to him, forgetting about grabbing a shirt, and sit on the edge of the bed beside him.

"Did ya keep the suit?"

"Course I did. It's gotten upgraded a few times though."

He grabs me by my hips, pulling my body against his and leaning in to kiss me. I oblige, wrapping my arms around his waist to pull him closer.

"I missed ya Stevie."

His breath ghosts across my skin as he talks, words muffled by my lips as he kisses me again. He pulls away after a few seconds, frowning as he sits back on the bed. 

"Buck?"

"I'm fine. It's nothing."

His fingers tangle in the sheets, eyes vacant as he remembers something else.

"July fourth, nineteen thirty-four."

He finally snaps out of it, rattling off a specific date. 

"What?"

"Your birthday. Back in thirty-four. First time we kissed. Right?"

I nod, suppressing a smile at the memory.

"You remember anything else?"

He shakes his head, frowning at the suggestion of anything else important having happened on my birthday that year.

"It's alright."

"Tell me. Please."

"There was another first that day too, but I want you to remember it when it comes naturally. Alright?"

I smirk at him, noting the slightly amused expression on his face.

"How will I know?"

"Trust me, you'll know." 

He pulls me down on top of him, tugging a blanket around us as I shift so we are both more comfortable.

"Heard you telling Nat you missed this. I've got to say though, you're fucking heavy now."

"Oh shut up, you love it."

He does, of course, not having to worry about me if I roll off of him in the middle of the night.

"You alright?"

"Tired."

I nod, yawning as I realise how heavy my eyes have become since I got out of the shower. Bucky pushes on me slightly, mumbling something about the lights before he gets up. I let him, sliding off his chest and lying on my side to watch him cross the room.

"You checking me out Rodgers?"

He flicks off the lights, sliding back into bed beside me and reaching out to pull me back on top of him. We lapse into a comfortable silence, breathing evening out as we near sleep.

"Hey Steve."

His voice has lost its playfulness, lightness replaced now with a sharper edge of fear. 

"Yeah?"

"If I have a nightmare tonight, please wake me up."

I don't respond, instead shifting so I can kiss his cheek softly.

"What's wrong? You're shaking."

"I...I don't want to hurt you."

This sends fear deep into my body, chilling me to the bone. 

"You won't."

He isn't satisfied with this response, reaching down to lace his fingers though mine.

"But-"

"I promise you, you won't. Okay?"

"Okay."

We lapse back into silence, but I can tell that he is still thinking about something, so I break his train of thought by running my free hand through his hair a few times to catch his attention. 

"Let's get some sleep, you're tired."

"Yeah."

His breathing evens out after a few minutes, and I follow suit soon after.


	17. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning, self harm and torture mentioned. You have been warned. 
> 
> I also put loads of Russian in this one. Translations at the end, as always. Enjoy!

A/N. Trigger warning, self harm and torture mentioned. You have been warned, proceed with caution.

*Bucky*

(Beginning of dream)

"In."

Someone pushes me from behind, jamming the butt of their rifle into my back when I hesitate to follow the order. The room I am shoved into is entirely devoid of colour, every surface the same stark shade of white. I start struggling against the men who are dragging me in, suppressed memories of my last time in the White Room starting to bubble back up to the surface.

"No! No please!"

My handler ignores my pleas, motioning for me to be thrown into the room.

"I'll let you out when we have determined that your lesson has been learnt sufficiently."

I push myself back to my feet, running towards to door as it closes, only to have it slam shut in my face. I curl up at the base of the door, head between my hands as I start to have flashbacks to my first couple of times in the White Room. My yelling is ignored, throat raw and voice lost before I finally stop screaming to be let out. No one comes for me, and after a few hours I start to feel myself slip away, much quicker than last time. I start clawing at the bottom of the door, tears streaming down my face as I manage to tear the skin off my fingers and reduce my nails to a chipped, bloody mess. There isn't a handle on my side of the door, so I can't break through it regardless of my enhanced abilities or my arm.

I become fixated on the blood that stains my hand, realising that it is a better colour than the pressing white. No one comes when I start tearing at the flesh of my right arm, trying to see something other than white. I end up covered in blood, lying on the floor from exhaustion after a few hours of tearing at my skin and watching my blood bubble up.

(End of dream)

"Bucky!"

I wake up suddenly, gasping for air and unable to move. Steve has me trapped underneath him, straddling my waist and pinning my arms to the bed above me.

"Off! Please...Steve..."

He rolls off of me instantly, but grabs my wrists when I start scratching hard at my flesh arm.

"Bucky calm down, you need to relax."

I can hardly hear him, rolling out of the bed and standing unsteadily. Steve stands as well, following me into the hall and grabbing my hand to guide me to the kitchen.

"Sit."

I comply, wincing as I realise he is using my programming to control me again.

"Do you want some tea or water?"

"Whatever you gave me last time."

He nods, pulling out an old tin and fishing through it until he finds what he's looking for. I watch him move around the kitchen, trying to ignore the tension in his frame. Nat shows up a few minutes later, just as Steve is pouring the tea, and sits on the counter beside me.

"английский или русский?"

"Русский."

She sighs, glancing worriedly at Steve when he slides her a glass of water.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I glance up, drawn by the sound of Steve's voice, and find myself staring into his eyes. He's concerned, eyes widened in question as I tip my head at him.

"It's your decision Buck, I'll go if you want me to."

"Stay. Please."

He nods, sitting down on the stool beside me and motioning for me to lean against him. I do, still feeling a bit exposed, but slightly less so when he wraps his arms around me. 

"что случилось?"

"Я начал вспоминать что-то еще."

She instantly becomes more alert, if that's possible in this situation, hands tightening around her glass.

"что это было?"

"Белая Комната."

She winces, and Steve wraps his arms a little tighter around me when he notices our discomfort.

"You're okay."

I nod weakly, reaching out and grabbing his hand so I have something to steady myself.

"ты хочешь поговорить с нами об этом?"

"Я не хочу его пугать."

She nods, waiting until I have finished most of my tea before she speaks again, realising that I won't continue unless she does.

"Вы хотите, чтобы я поговорил с ним, или вы хотите сделать это позже?"

"Что если он уйдет? Он мне нужен, но он не захочет меня больше, если он знает, что я сделал. Особенно, если он не знает, что случилось со мной."

She dips her head slightly, eyes flicking over to Steve before she returns her gaze to my face.

"Он не будет"

"Вы этого не знаете!"

Steve tenses up instantly, loosening his grip around me at the sudden raise in my voice.

"Вам нужно успокоиться."

"Нет. Что мне нужно сделать, это выбраться отсюда."

"И что делать? Тебе некуда больше идти, Баки."

I glare at her, noticing the barely there glimmer of fear that flashes through her eyes when she realises she has upset me.

"Я не знаю. Но я чертовски уверен, что не могу снова заснуть."

"Тони это не понравится, но я возьму тебя на тренировку. Просто постарайся немного поспать, и я зайду утром снова, чтобы забрать тебя."

"Я не могу спать. Не снова."

"Вы должны что-то придумать. Но если ты перестанешь спать, я не собираюсь брать тебя с собой."

I nod, suddenly feeling just how tired I actually am. Steve seems to notice the shift, readjusting his position so he can pick me up more easily if needed. I lean back against him, drawing in a shaky breath as I suddenly find that I'm holding back tears. Nat, realising this, stands as she finishes the last of her drink.

"I've got to go, why don't you two get back to sleep? If not, I've left a stack of movies on the coffee table."

"Thank you."

Steve's voice is shaking slightly, and I can tell that he's more tired than anything at this point. We sit together for about half an hour before Steve starts to move, picking me up and carrying me over to the couch with him.

"Do you want to watch something or do you want to sleep?"

"What'd Nat leave?"

He turns towards the table, kneeling down to inspect the disc boxes that have been left there.

"She's left a note saying to start with this one, but skip the beginning."

I look up at him, squinting in the limited light to read the title. Bambi. There's a deer and some other critters on front, and it honestly doesn't look too bad. Either that, or I'm really tired. Probably a bit of both.

"Sure."

Steve nods, taking the disc from its box and moving to put it into the DVD player. He leaves as its loading, saying something about having to do something in the kitchen, and handing me the remote to figure out the controls.

>Translations<

английский или русский? English or Russian?

Русский. Russian.

что случилось? What happened?

Я начал вспоминать что-то еще. I started to remember something else.

что это было? What was it?

Белая Комната. The White Room.

ты хочешь поговорить с нами об этом? Do you want to talk to us about it?

Я не хочу его пугать. I don't want to scare him off.

Вы хотите, чтобы я поговорил с ним, или вы хотите сделать это позже? Do you want me to talk to him or do you want to do that later?

Что если он уйдет? Он мне нужен, но он не захочет меня больше, если он знает, что я сделал. Особенно, если он не знает, что случилось со мной. What if he leaves? I need him, but he won't want to stay if he knows what I've done. Especially not if he knows what happened to me.

Он не будет. He won't.

Вы этого не знаете! You don't know that!

Вам нужно успокоиться. You need to calm down.

Нет. Что мне нужно сделать, это выбраться отсюда. No. What I need to do is get out of here. 

И что делать? Тебе некуда больше идти, Баки. And do what? You have nowhere else to go Bucky.

Я не знаю. Но я чертовски уверен, что не могу снова заснуть. I don't know. But I sure as hell can't go back to sleep again. 

Тони это не понравится, но я возьму тебя на тренировку. Просто постарайся немного поспать, и я зайду утром снова, чтобы забрать тебя. Tony won't like it, but I'll take you out for training. Just try to get some sleep, and I'll come back in the morning again to pick you up.

Я не могу спать. Не снова. I can't sleep. Not again.

Вы должны что-то придумать. Но если ты перестанешь спать, я не собираюсь брать тебя с собой. You'll have to figure something out. But if you stop sleeping, I won't be able to take you with me.


	18. Run

*Steve*

Buck falls asleep slowly, seeming to fight it for as long as he can before his eyes fall shut finally. I reach over and switch off the television, calling out softly to Jarvis for the lights to turn off. They do, instantly plunging the room into darkness, and I am left awake with Bucky lying on my chest again. My phone buzzes with a message, a quick glance over showing that Nat has messaged me.

Natasha: How is he?

He's fine. Sleeping finally.

Natasha: How'd you manage that?

We watched one of the movies you left for us.

Natasha: Which one?

Bambi. I liked it.

Natasha: Nice. I told him I'd take him out for training tomorrow, so I'll be over to pick him up around nine.

That's fine. Just don't push him too hard right now.

Natasha: He'll be fine. I promise.

I know, I just didn't think he'd want to go training this soon.

Natasha: It'll take some time, but he'll be fine. I think it'll just be hand to hand sparring, that's what I did with him last time.

Last time when?

Natasha: When Clint and I went in to scout out the compound.

Oh.

Natasha: It shouldn't be a problem this time around, he won't have orders to severely injure me. Not that he did last time, but I do still have a nasty bruise across my side. 

Sorry.

Natasha: Not your fault. Anyways, get some sleep. Just wanted to check up on everything. Call me if you need anything. If you need to come get me, Clint and I are in my living room watching movies right now.

Thanks Nat.

Natasha: No problem. Now seriously, get some sleep.

I will. Night.

Natasha: Goodnight.

I toss my phone back onto the table, shifting so I'm in a more comfortable position to sleep. Bucky makes a sound when I move, snuggling closer and accepting my hand when I reach over and grab his.

"Steve?"

"I'm right here."

"Mkay..."

He inhales slowly, making a contented sound before settling back down again. I close my eyes, letting sleep take me.

~~~

I wake up again when Bucky moves off of me, covering me with a blanket and pressing a gentle kiss to my forehead.

"What're you doing Buck?"

"Natasha's here, I've got to go."

I nod, pulling him down for a proper kiss before he leaves.

"Be careful, okay?"

"I'll be fine."

He smiles, barely, but for a moment I can see a bit more of the old Bucky resurfacing. Someone else enters the room, and Bucky instantly stands and walks over to them.

"You ready?"

"Yes."

"Alright. Grab a water bottle from the kitchen."

Bucky leaves, and Nat sits down at my feet. She pokes my side, laughing when I jump.

"I'll have him back before dinner. I think Tony wants to go out or something."

I nod, jumping up from my spot when something in the kitchen is dropped. Bucky curses, but after that the room is silent. Natasha follows me into the kitchen, a hand on her hip where I'm sure a gun is hidden.

"I'm fine."

"What happened?"

"I dropped something."

Bucky picks up a thermos off the floor, blushing slightly as he makes his way to the fridge and grabs the water pitcher. His posture is less relaxed than it was before, movements almost robotic as he finishes filling the thermos and replaces the pitcher in the fridge. I walk over, screwing the lid onto his bottle and handing it to him carefully.

"I'll see you later, alright? Sam and I are probably going out on a run today, but other than that I'll just be here."

He nods, turning back to Natasha for guidance. Confusion passes through his features, quickly disappearing with a shake of his head.

"Let's head out."

Natasha turns around to leave, saying something about heading downstairs before the door closes and we are alone again.

"You sure you're okay to go out today?"

Bucky doesn't respond, face suddenly devoid of all emotion.

"Buck?"

I open my arms as he steps closer, pulling him into a tight hug and pressing a kiss against his temple.

"You don't have to go out if you don't want to."

"I need to."

"Why?"

"It's too still here. There's nothing happening right now. Nothing to do. I've been on edge the whole time since you guys brought me back."

I nod, tightening my grip on him.

"Okay. I'll see you afterwards then?"

"Yeah."

He pulls away slowly, not meeting my eye and muttering a quick apology.

"You don't need to apologise Buck. You didn't do anything wrong."

I can tell he's struggling with something, eventually deciding to push it down and hug me quickly before he leaves. 

"Let Nat know if you need anything. Like I said, I'm not busy today."

"Thank you."

"Of course."

He smiles sadly, somehow managing to look more broken than ever. I pull out my phone after about ten or so minutes, messaging Nat before I call Sam.

"Hey, what's up?"

"We haven't gone out for a run in a few days, are you free today?"

"Hell yeah. I was just about to go looking for you actually. Where have you been anyways?"

I hesitate, deciding to just tell him how stressful everything has been.

"It's complicated. Bucky's back, but he's not himself as much as I had hoped. We're just stressed out about it right now. I didn't mean to skip out on our runs though, honestly."

"Not your fault man. I'll meet you downstairs in ten?"

"That works. See you then."

He hangs up, and I go lace up my shoes. I take the elevator, wandering around the lobby area for a few minutes before I go meet Sam outside.


	19. Programming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian in the beginning, translation chart at the end. Love you guys!

*Bucky*

"очередной раз."

I shake my head, refusing to attack Natasha but instead taking the defensive as she stalks closer.

"Я не хочу ... пожалуйста ..."

"Тебе нужно тренироваться. Еще раз."

She throws a left hook at my face, a look of surprise flashing over her features when I catch her hand and flip her onto her back. 

"Я сказал нет."

My heart is pounding, head starting to hurt from fighting against my programming so I won't do anything I'll regret.

"Давай! На самом деле бороться со мной."

"Нет."

Natasha starts struggling more than she was before, and I realise that I have increased the amount of pressure I have on her body. I release her instantly, rolling away and rising slowly back to my feet. She knocks me off balance suddenly, sending me crashing down onto the mats.

"Вставай."

I comply, easing back into what the programming tells me to do, and rise to face her.

"Очередной раз."

This time I attack first, falling back into an easy rhythm of striking out and blocking whatever is thrown my way. She backs off suddenly, breathing heavily. I lunge again, knocking her off balance and tearing a strangled sound of surprise from her throat. For a moment, neither of us moves. I'm still waiting on orders from a handler, and she is trying to stay as still as she can. Her phone rings, causing her to turn towards the sound as best as she can. I realise that she is struggling to subtly retrieve a blade from her waist, grabbing and pinning her arms above her head with my flesh hand.

"Баки остановка!"

My mind stalls for a moment or two, but by the time I recover and pull myself out of my mind it's too late to fix anything. Natasha is mostly still under me, hardly breathing, and severely bruised. She doesn't move when I release her arms, remaining still as I get up and stumble towards her bag and pull out her phone. Seven missed calls from Steve. I start pushing buttons frantically, saved the hassle of trying to figure it out as Steve calls back again.

"Nat? Is everything okay? Do you still have Bucky?"

He's going to be mad at me. I'm going to go back into cyro. I don't want to go back into cyro.

"Natasha?"

I remain silent, trying to figure out what to do, and Steve continues yelling through the phone.

"I'm coming down there. Now."

He hangs up, sending me into a frenzied state of panic. I glance over at Natasha, who is still passed out cold. I need to leave. Go back. Reset. I grab Natasha's bag, digging through it for something to write on. Nothing. No note. They can't find me. Safety? Probably not. I need to go. Something clicks finally, and my programming kicks in to take me out of the building. Down towards where my bike should still be. It's still there, ignored where I left it last time, and surprisingly still has enough gas to last me until I make it back to the facility.

~~~

The gates open as I approach, a team of heavily armed guards running out to meet me. Tracking device on my bike must have alerted them of my presence. My old handler is at the rear of the armed group, followed by someone new. I am instantly muzzled, stripped of my shirt when we reach an interrogation room, and thrown into a cool metal chair. Restraints click down over my wrists and ankles on contact.

"How did he get back?"

"The programming runs too deep for him to run away from us. Besides, he knew we would find him eventually."

She nods, turning to me and reaching out towards my face. I flinch back, hitting my head on the back of the chair, and find myself squirming to escape her hands. My handler doesn't move, but instead watches her closely. She places a hand on either side of my face, tracing the outline of my muzzle for a few seconds before she reaches to unclip it.

"Leave it on him. We'll take it off later for questioning. For now, however, we need to start his evaluation immediately."

I shudder at the prospect of another evaluation, of course this one will probably just be checking me over for damage before they punish me. My handler notices my discomfort, a smile breaking over his face suddenly.

"I think he can handle a detox though. Clearly he could make it here in one piece."

The woman nods again, pulling a cabinet open and drawing a thin black box from the middle shelf. My handler takes it from her, popping the lid off and pulling a needle out of it.

"You may remove the muzzle now. Make sure it doesn't get lost, I'll need it later."

I shrink away as she reaches out again, falling still as soon as her fingers touch my skin. The muzzle is removed slowly, leaving my face fully exposed to the coolness of the air.

"Get up."

The restraints release me instantly, and I push myself back to my feet. My handler leads me into a containment cell, pinning my flesh arm to the wall and pushing the needle into my skin before I can think to react. He closes the door as I sink down onto the cold concrete floor, locks clicking into place as I press my hands against my head in an attempt to stop the throbbing pain that runs through it. I suddenly find myself feeling nauseous, barely able to reach the toilet in the corner before I am heaving up the contents of my stomach. No one comes to check on me, so this must me the intended effect of the injection.

"Fuck..."

I have eaten enough for them to need to do the detox, and I learned my lesson the first time they gave me the hellish injection. It's effects are painful, and I know that I won't be able to handle much of what comes after they decide it has worn off enough to continue. It's about an hour before the first round of sickness wears off, giving me about ten before the second wave hits.

>Translations<

очередной раз. Again

Я не хочу ... пожалуйста ... I don't want to...please...

Тебе нужно тренироваться. Еще раз. You need to train. Go again.

Я сказал нет. I said no.

Давай! На самом деле бороться со мной. Come on! Actually fight me.

Нет. No.

Вставай. Get up.

Очередной раз. Again.

Баки остановка! Bucky stop!


	20. Gone

*Steve*

I can tell that something is wrong as soon as I pull up, a feeling of dread settling over me with each step I take towards the silent building. The door is ajar, lights off on the inside. They flicker on when I step into the main hallway, so they're motion activated.

"Natasha?"

Silence. I start checking behind the closed doors, a sick feeling settling over me with every empty room. My phone rings suddenly, Natasha's name flashing across the screen as I hurriedly answer.

"Natasha? Are you two okay?"

"Where are you?"

Her voice is rough, words barely comprehensible.

"I'm in the building, what happened?"

"Go to the back building. I don't think he's in there with you."

A cold feeling tears through my body, her words bringing fear so strong it takes my breath away.

"What happened?"

"I'll explain when you get here. Hurry up."

I break into a dead sprint, hardly thinking about direction and managing to find the back door. Natasha is lying on the floor when I get to the back building, barely moving when the door opens.

"Natasha?"

She tries to sit up, breathing laboured as her face contorts in pain.

"Stop moving. I'll take you back home."

"He's gone."

I freeze up again, refusing to process her words.

"Come here."

She nods, hooking her arms around the back of my neck and allowing me to pick her up. I stop to grab her stuff, noticing that someone went through it at some point.

"Can you handle the car right now?"

"Yeah."

Her eyes start to close, barely opening again when I lower her into the back seat.

"Hey, stay awake."

She mutters something in Russian, shaking her head to clear it and refocusing on me. I close the door softly, clambering into the front seat and starting the car back up. Natasha keeps mostly silent, but once we get on the road I start asking questions again.

"What happened?"

"I underestimated how deep his programming ran. It kicked in again, and by the time I realised that I was already pinned under him."

"Shit. What did he do?"

She doesn't respond, and I realise she is falling asleep again. I whip out my phone, dialling Bruce's number.

"Hey Steve. Everything okay?"

"It's Nat. I'm going to need you as soon as we get back."

He calls out for Tony, pulling the phone away from his face and telling him what I said.

"Didn't she take Bucky out for training?"

"Yeah. It didn't go as planned."

"I'm going to put you on speaker."

A few seconds later Tony's voice pipes up.

"What's going on?"

"We lost him. Nat is hurt, I'm not sure how though. She's pretty bruised up from what I can see though."

He curses, mumbling something about not trusting Bucky in the first place.

"How close are you?"

"About five minutes now."

"Alright. Hurry up, I'll get a room set up."

They hang up, and I speed up. Natasha still isn't moving much, but she is muttering something quietly. 

"What do you need?"

"How far away are we? I think I've got at least a concussion. Breathing hurts."

I nod, glancing back at her in the mirror. She's lying almost completely still, drawing in slow rattling breaths.

"Almost there. I already called Bruce and Tony. They're getting everything ready for you."

"Promise me you won't try to go out."

"I have to. I can't just leave him."

She doesn't respond, but a quick glance back shows that she is dealing with another spasm of pain.

"You're pushing yourself too hard. Lie back down. We're almost there."

I slowly stop the car, and we are instantly met by Tony and Bruce.

"I've got her."

They nod, stepping back to allow me space to pull Nat from the back seat. 

"Take the elevator, we just set up in her room this time."

We hurry to the elevator, the ride up tense and silent.

"She said she probably has a concussion and that breathing hurts. Like I said, the bruising is bad."

The doors open, too slowly in my opinion, and we hurry through the halls to reach Natasha's room.

"Set her down in here, then go find something to do."

Natasha clings weakly to the front of my shirt, pulling me back down towards her as I lower her gently onto the bed.

"Don't you dare leave. You can't go find him without backup."

"I'm sorry."

She starts to fall asleep again, grip on my shirt loosening rapidly as I pull back.

"I have to go deal with something. Don't call me. I'll call you if I need anything."

Tony nods, quickly turning back to help Bruce stabilise Natasha. I start off down the hall, irritated at how slow the elevator is on the way down. Bucky can't have gone far, he has nowhere else to go, but my search of the training facility reveals nothing. By the time the sun starts to go down, I'm close to a panic attack, throat raw from yelling. My phone rings as I am starting my search of the city, scaring me slightly. Natasha. I answer it, fully prepared to be yelled at.

"Where are you?"

"I went back to the facility to look for him. He's gone. I just started looking here in the city though. If you called to yell at me, you can hang up now because I don't have time for it."

"You're not going to find him."

I curse softly, fighting against the panic that threatens to overtake me.

"I'm not coming back without him."

"At least wait until I can help you."

She sounds almost scared, voice still rough as it was earlier.

“I can’t do that, and you know it.”

“Fine. But if you won’t wait for me, don’t expect my help right away.”

The line goes dead, and I am left alone again.


	21. In For Reprogramming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Russian translation at the end. Sorry this update took so long!

*Bucky*

"Steve!" 

Someone laughs, the sound grating harshly against my ears. The only thing I can remember is a name. It's not mine. I'm not even sure who's it is, but he can help me. That's the only thought in my mind right now, Steve can help. I call out again, struggling against the restraints that keep me mostly still in the chair.

"Hit him with another round, I don't want him remembering anything."

A quick response later, and a blinding pain shoots through my head, obscuring all concept of thought.

~~~

I open my eyes slowly, not able to move much more than my head. It hurts to do so, and I am left with no choice other than to close them again. I realise, rather slowly, that my ears aren't picking up on anything. The feeling of fear that flashes though me fades quickly, melting into nothingness as it is replaced by the same fuzzy feeling I felt when I woke up. Something hard is tightly covering my jaw, stopping when it meets my nose and cheekbones. The confusion, as did the fear, vanished almost as soon as I feel it, and is again replaced with an empty feeling. I still can't hear above the blood rushing through my head, nor can I feel anything other than the crushing emptiness. A door opens, sound muffled.

"He's awake sir."

A man comes into view, holding a reddish book in his hands. 

"Longing."

I knit my eyebrows, clearly he wants something from me.

"Rusted."

A list of words perhaps?

"Seventeen."

Something clicks in my brain, finally, and I start to feel uncomfortable.

"Daybreak."

A jolt of fear runs though me at the continuation of the list.

"Furnace."

I flinch, hearing the clinking of chains as my hands move, metal tightening around my wrists.

"Nine."

Ten?

"Benign."

A woman comes into view, her eyes wide as she watches us. Her gaze shifts to the floor as she notices my eyes staring back at hers, clearing her throat softly and moving further away from us.

"Homecoming."

Another wave of fear crashes over me, something isn't right.

"One."

I can sense something coming to an end, the tension in the room nearly tangible as the man draws in another breath.

"Freight car."

A flash of pain runs through my head, quickly replaced with nothingness. The woman steps forward, removing the piece from my face and stepping back behind the man.

"солдат?"

My mind stalls for a moment, but eventually I realise what he wants and respond as quickly as my mind will allow. 

"Готовы соблюдать."

He nods, pressing a button or two on the wall and my hands are suddenly freed from the metal cuffs that held me back in the chair.

"I have a mission for you Soldier."

I nod, not daring to move any more than necessary.

"You are to bring in the Black Widow. She is in New York right now, looking for someone. Make sure she doesn't find who she seeks."

I nod again, standing when they motion for me to do so.

"Get him geared up."

~~~

Someone tackles me almost as soon as I leave the alleyway, sending us both crashing into the street. I roll away, rising quickly and drawing my gun from my hip. The woman lying beside me matches the description of the one I am supposed to bring in, and she seems to know that I am hunting her as she rises quickly and takes off running in the other direction.

"Steve you need to hurry up!"

A large metal disc is thrown in my direction, clanging loudly as it hits the wall behind me and bounces back towards its owner. I keep running after my prey, confused when I notice she has hidden somewhere without my seeing it. Something wraps around my shoulders suddenly, and I realise that it is the woman. Her legs wrap around my neck, slamming me into a wall and bringing us both crashing down to the ground. I shove her off of me, yelping slightly when I feel a cord of sorts wrapping around tightly around my neck. The more I struggle the tighter it gets, and soon I am gasping for air.

"Natasha be careful!"

"It's fine Steve! Go secure transportation!"

The man takes off, and the last thing I see before I pass out is my target standing above me, a look of disappointment plastered across her face.

>Translations<

солдат. Soldier?

Готовы соблюдать. Ready to comply.


End file.
